Top Three Reasons to avoid my mother...

I just called my parents to see if they have a box of my winter coats (including my leather car coat, my perfect suede -- oh how I love suede -- jacket and ALL my scarves, hats and gloves).

Her first response: You've put on far too much weight to wear any of those.
Me: Since when?*
Her second response: Anyway, there'll all too expensive. You don't need such extravangances.
Me: There'll all paid for already. I might as well use them. And they're all cute.
Her third response: Well, we put them underneath the house where we put the last batch.
Me: *amost dumbstricken, after they let rot $600 of my clothes last time*
You mean the stuff that got covered in mildew and in rat crap?
My Mother: Yes. And don't use profanities.
Me: !!!!!

The conversation lasted about 15 more seconds.
Won't you all join me in the "Get Jay A Winter Coat Project"?

*Am I fat? I don't think I'm fat. Have I become a blimp and not been aware of it? Aaaa! My parents always turn me into a Neurotic mess.