Wednesday, November 03, 2004

As In What Jesus Doesn't Do

I have class Wednesday nights, so I don't watch ABC's Lost program. But some fucker does, and I sometimes see bits of it.
This week was apparently about Dominic MoinaHobbit's heroin addiction.
He's too pudgy to be a smack addict. Have the writers of this show never seen Trainspotting/been to Williamsburg/hung around professional dancers?

Friday, October 29, 2004

The * Being

Congrats if you recognized that quote from Doctor Who and The Pyramids of Mars; more if you realize Sutekh is the name of a crappy techno band.
Kneel... Kneel before the Might of Sutekh!*

You're the Indie Guru!
You're the Indie Guru!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're practically too cool for words. You've got more indie rock knowledge in your pinky finger than Guided By Voices has songs! You went to your first Mudhoney concert when you were 14. You knew Green Day before they sold out to the masses. You can name every side project Lou Barlow has been in, complete with all album and song titles. You throw out words like "Thurston," "lo-fi," and "Kill Rock Stars." You wear jeans, old band tees, Converse. You hang with other gurus and people you can lord over. You're intelligent, but big-headed. Passionate, but hot-tempered. You will one day rule the earth.

*Whomp* My Name Is
*Bib* Ny Name Is

So last night was the Grad School party. It was also the night for celebrating one of my professors' retirement. The very professor, it turns out, who endowed by grant. Being a Solemn Occassion, evry single award winner since 1993 was there. They were an impressive lot, a professional director, the head archivist from the New York Public Library Theatre Archive, a CUNY PhD candidate, etc, etc.
And me.
They all spoke at length how Prof. X had touched their lives and affected their work. I stood to the side with my fellow first years, drinking very cheap white wine and hoping I wouldn't have to speak.
This turned out to be the least of my problems.
When the last of the past fellows had spoken, the head of the college announced it was now time to award this year's prize.
The 90+ year old professor stood up, squinted at the envelope and said:
"I'd like to award this year's prize to...
... Joel Anders!"

Just to make the situation more comfortable, the current head of the graduate program hissed in the world's sotte voce, "IT'S JASON ECKARD!"
The august professor stared at me for a second or two, threw down her hands and went "Oh, him!" and said to me, "You got it" and sat back down.

Not that I'm complaining too much, mind you. The money was spent today on the rest of my textbooks for the semester, and rent and groceries to keep me alive (and a Dr Who book and Belle and Sebastian vinyl), and the esteemed professor was 91 years old, but still...

UPDATE: the situation was not healed in class today when the chair of the department demanded one "Joshua" to read alound. When (after a minute or so) I looked up to see why no-one was reading, said professor was looking at me.
"My name isn't Joshua."
"Oh," he said. "Read it anyway."

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Practice, Practice, Practice...

I realized today that the big red sandstone building I think looks at my subway stop for work (at 57th and 7th) is, in fact, Carnegie Hall. Go fig.

It was near this very corner today when I was approached by a campaign worker for the Democratic party. He was all eager, running up to the unlucky and pestering them. He was also pretty cute. When he zeroed in on me (I had sadly neglected to wear my headphones) I tried to escape. No joy. After he asked me "Are you registered to votem, sir?", I had a momentary image of giving him head. (He was cute, okay.) I laughed quickly because that was a fairly grossly inappropiate thing to do. He asked me if I thought the election was funny. Pissed off, I decided to tell him The Truth.
"Okay," I said. "I'll tell the truth. I've already voted. I voted Democratic. I'll sit here and talk to you as much as you want, but be aware, the whole time, I'll be thinking about having sex with you."
I was pestered no more.

My glut of papers is /finally/ over and I can start to peep back out at the world, even though I still have yet to finish (or really begin) Sue Ellen Case's Feminism and Theatre. I already dislike the book: I find some of her propisitions distaste and frightening. She doesn't like the Oresteia, the only complete Greek tragic trilogy, and is willing to drop it from the canon. It seems a little hypocritical given her zeal to add forgotten Women's work.
Tomorrow night is the graduate students' Party. The college apparently is ponying up money for wine and cheese so we can mingle and meet each other outside of class. I hope it's their chance to hook me up with my promised grant, before I miss my rent. Speaking of which, it occured to me (in another Carnegie-esque flash) that my Theatre History professor is the very person for whom the grant is named. So no falling asleep in /that/ class.
I'm currently reading a selection of primary sources on Restoration drama: Dryden's criticism, contemporary accounts of actors, personal recollections, etc. It's really, really interesting (if you're a sad bastard), but makes me want to use Capital Letters for No Reason and stress my points with Italics.

I was delighted to notice that they put Jack and Bobby and Smallville back to back on the WB. It makes sense to me, as does this week's ads with Tom Weller running around with no shi... Feeling up his nipples. Also, I'm still puzzled why, given the stars and audience, last week on JandB, they did a scene in the girl's locker-room. Title 9 people. Title 9.

In the three minutes of free time I have daily, I have discovered a new way to waste time. You can go to and rule your own country. I have two; the Empire I delight in and the republic I think should actually exist. Well, sort of. I only agree with limited democracy and would have a series of intelligence tests to determine level of participation in elections, but they don't let you be that specific in formulating a government.
You can visit my countries The Most Serene Republic of San Giorgio (my original name, The Republic of St George, after my own real country, was taken) and The Holy Empire of Eckardia.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Just for the Record:
or, Why I'm not blogging at the moment

In the past three weeks...

Papers written:
1) 10 pages for History of Theatre Theory, on the relationship
between Addison's Cato and
Neoclassical Theory as formulated by Castelvetro.
2) The use of The South as Fictive Perfection in the Early Works of
Tennessee Williams, 5 pages.
3) Three page book report on The Restoration Stage, G E Bentley, ed.
4) Four page paper discussing the experience of seeing the Chester
Mystery Plays.
5) Three page book report on The Chester Mystery Plays
6) Four page paper discussing the experience of seeing a Greek

Plays read: The Second Shepherd's Play, The Farce of the Worthy Master Pierre
Patelin, Everyman, Boesman and Lisa, Mandragola, The Cid, The Portrait,
The Curse of the Starving Class, Cato

Books Read: The Chester Mystery Plays, Feminism and Theatre, The Cid Controversy, The Restoration Stage

Selections Read from: Hartnoll's The Theatre: A Concise History, Nagler's A Source
Book of Theatrical History, Gerould's Theatre/Theory/Theatre

Did I mention I work full time?

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Tonight On A Very Special "Jack and Bobby"

Jack pleasures himself for the entire hour while watching a re-run of "Smallville."

Thank you, WB.
A Note from Work...

Sweetheart --
He isn't "metro". You're just a "fag hag."

Coffee Ho Jay

Since when is it absolutely de riguer for all cute indie boys to have Asian girlfriends? It always makes me think of that line from Queer as Folk with the fag and his Asian boy -- *in effeminate Manchester accent* "Perfect Boyfriend -- Shags like a rabbit and doesn't speak a word of English!"

Friday, October 08, 2004

Tina! Come Get Some Ham!

I'm still waiting for something interesting to happen. In light of any coherent entries, here are some bits and pieces I've been collating for a while:

I'm really disappointed about not meeting new people. I can't complain (much) since I'm too broke and too busy to go anywhere or do anything. Things are sloooowly thawing at school and I'm getting to know my fellow students.

I *have* made one friend, Sniffle-Kitty. He's a black and white tom-cat that lives up the street. The first night I moved in, he was hanging out by the sidewalk. I bent down to pet him and he sniffed my finger quite thoroughly. Since then, every time I pass by, he'd sniff me and then let me pet him. Today, I made him purr for the first time.

At work, I ran into someone from my home-town. A friend, actually, and someone I did many plays with at the Hickory Community Theatre. Go fig.
(Actually, also on the first night I was here, I saw a couple I had gone to college with, somewhere in the middle of Astoria. Not that I a) particularly liked them or b) stopped to talk to them. But still, who'd think it'd've happened that quickly?)

I have developed a very embarrassing personal rash. That necessitates buying a special creme. Ugh.

I keep noticing Important Buildings around my daily walks. In the past week, I've noticed that the CBS Corporate Building, the Ed Sullivan Theater and M Hotel are all just a few blocks from work. I also found a subway stop that knocks off about 20 minutes of my commute. (I had been taking the N train to the 1/9 at 42 Second St. up to 59th St, which was at the door of the Time-Warner Building. Now, I just get out of the N train at 57th St and walk two blocks.)
Speaking of Important Buildings, last week I drug some bastard down to One Federal Plaza, to pretend to be Sam Waterston on the steps of the courthouse. Then we went to the Virgin Megastore, where I bought The Belle and Sebastian single, Wrapped Up in Books. I am still repenting buying it there, but it was out at Kim's.

This week at school: Medieval Theatre -- Mystery Plays! Morality Plays! Auto Sacramentales! All poorly written and tediously liturgical. However, I now know what that I will be writing one paper on Addison's Cato for my theory class and on the role of the South in Tennessee Williams' early plays.

I set off the smoke alarm making quesadillas, after being spurred on by Napoleon Dynamite's grandmother. They were still edible, though. The biscuits turned out much better, even if they were only the Bisquick variety.

Monday, September 27, 2004

So, still not much interesting happens to me. Much. Every once in a while, I'll be walking around and realize "Hey, that's important!" like when I figured out that the CBS building is on my way from school to work (if I don't cut through the Park).
Last week, this one guy, his friend Alex and I went to Williamsburg to see Of Montreal. I'd seen them before and was looking forward to seeing my first show in a month. I quite liked Williamsburg, even if I probably shouldn't. It reminded me a bit of home. There were actually fairly young people walking the streets, which there isn't really in Queens. People were even vaguely friendly, and the club, Northsix, was exactly the same as every other hipster club ever.
The opening acts sucked, though, so we stood around and laughed at people -- the Fat Hipster, the Sad Kid (who was there alone and drinking). I hadn't eaten all day and had been up since 6 am, so the Coke and Bourbons probably weren't the best idea. Prompt at midnight, Alex got sick so we left before the set was over.

That one guy's family was here this weekend, so we went out to a little Italian place. Whoot for nice food.

At work today, somebody offed themself. They jumped off the fourth floor balcony in the atrium of the Time Warner Building. Now, I didn't see it, but I walked by as they were using paper towels to get up the last of the blood and repaired the tile he cracked. (Apparently, he lived, but left crippled and twitching... And don't look at me like that. If he wanted to make his death a public spectacle, I can be catty.)

Ugh... my first paper is due Wednesday. It's a simple little 3 page response, but two weeks from this week, I have about 25 pages worth of papers due.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


So, I moved. It's been a few weeks, and everything is pretty much settled down. The apartment is mostly arranged -- we're waiting for some bookshelves, since we only have one and we've got another oh, 300 or 400 books left to put up.
Other than the floating book issue, the apartment is nice (tho' it was dirty as hell when we moved in). It's not too small, and is nicely appointed with cheap Ikea furniture and other assorted furniture. We've even managed to borrow an air-conditioning unit for the bedroom, so we can stay cool.
Work is largely identical to my old job (being the same job for the same company, it would be...) but more complex... I have to run a cash register, roast coffee beans and be knowledgeable for about three times as much product, so it's challenging, I suppose. We live about a mile from the subway, so the worst part of work is getting to the subway station on Ditmars Blvd on time. The train ride in isn't as bad as the walk to the station...
Class is also pretty good. I take classes in History of the Theatre, History of Theatrical Theory and Significant English Plays of the 20th Century. The last is taught by Stanley Kauffman, a famous critic and theatre scholar. Classes with personal remeberances about Samuel Beckett rock. Besides that one class, we've been studying Greek tragedy in the other two classes. So far, I've read The Suppliant Maidens, Prometheus Bound, Agammenon, Antigone, Alcestis, Medea (not to mention the Poetics and The Clouds). I haven't been reading much else.
Sadly, between work and school, I don't get around to being very interesting. I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman -- and I only know who he is in the vaguest sense -- at the Barnes and Noble on Union Square. We've been to the Park. And that's about it, really.
Tomorrow is pay day (my first here) and I get the money from selling my car, so fun things will transpire.

Fun Fact: Park Avenue isn't actually on the park. It's two streets away. Stupid.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Wrapping Up

Things are getting packed up -- all my books, most of my clothes.
My last ever WXDU radio show was Thursday night. It went well (for a change). I was surprised how sad I was after. My last Music Staff meeting was last night. It was enjoyable -- Ross Grady left the engineering closet open, so I spent my last night at the station going through old vinyl with Courtney, Georg and Viva. We found all kinds of weird stuff -- Sesame Street Disco, C W McCall's (of "Convoy" fame) album, even the original release of the Timelords' Doctorin' the TARDIS.

I work the rest of the week, and then take a trip to see my parents in Hickory next Monday. There will stay much of my accumulated crap and the Little Red Car will meet its maker. Then on Thursday or Friday, I will (shudder) drive back here, pick up a few remaining things and drive to Wilmington, to this one guy's house.

After that, we shall move into our Gloriously Sophisticated Apartment in Queens. Yep, that guy played Great Provider and found a flat in Astoria. So no New Jersey.

Also, please note the cool new thing on the Side Bar. Please poke your pin in!

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

I Knew It.

It was announced today that in spite of the previous definite announcement, the Daleks will be returning this season along with Doctor Who.
Previously, the estate of Terry Nation, the creator of the Daleks refused to allow the Beeb to use the metal meanies, but after coming to their senses, have agreed to. Nation's estate is unlikely to make that much money again, even with the occasional use of the Daleks by Big Finish and BBC Books.
It is the best thing for both, after all. Who can imagine the Doctor /not/ fighting the Outer Space Robot people that launched his career? And where else is a dead hack going to make wodges of cash?

I've been perusing the official BBC Doctor Who site daily, as, excitingly, they have a picture each day of the filming in Cardiff. Today also was an annoucement of several new actors, including Ian Holm's wife, who was recently knighted. Or damed. Or whatever they do to girls.
Also there was this: my dream job and concrete evidence that I should have gone to Glasgow University when I was given a chance.

This very linky post was brought to you by a very geeky guy.

Also, I registered for my other two classes today after being restricted by the Hunter College Immunization Fairy. My classes: Theatre History One, History of Theory and Criticism and Major English Plays of the 20th Century. They probably all sound boring as crap, but I'm excited.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004


The Changeling
Category X - The

Witty, amusing and a bit weird, you're welcomed
into most social groups, even though you don't
'fit in' perfectly .

What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by
"If You Can't Cry, At Least You Can Have a Respectable Panic Attack"
Lorelai Gilmore

Yep. That's how I feel right about now.

Turns out I didn't die from my hangover -- I even ventured out to Wendy's about 6 pm for food.
Mergefest was quite nice -- all except for the first night, when a lady spilled beer on me 15 seconds after my arrival. I was an hour and a half late and missed one of the two acts (the Rosebuds) I really wanted to see. I did see the Essex Green (and Sasha Bell pleasing stopped everyone during one song and refused to go on playing it), but was in a foul mood and went home.
Friday night was Camera Obscura night. Many people were there that night that I knew, so it was much better. One friend, Alicia, was ill so I took her home. (I was worried I'd miss CO, since I once missed part of an Essex Green set a while back for her. But I didn't.) The CO set was super, super -- they even played Eighties Fan, which almost no-one recognized since it's not on Underachievers Please Try Harder, but set me into transports of delight. Afterwards I properly met Gav, their bassist and Sinister person of long-standing. Also there was Miss Lyndsey, also of the same. We all sat and smoked and drank out back of the Cradle in a most companionable fashion. When the show was over, we went over to Aruni's where we met some Bowlie forum people (terribly nice) and continued to drink and smoke. To excess.
Saturday was spent recovering.
I had no plans to go to Sunday, the final day of the festivities, but I did. I'm no big fan of Lambchop or David Klingour, but I am (now even more so) of the Clientele. Not the least because I apparently resemble Alasdair, one of the boys in it. Enough so that one their roadies chastised me for hanging out in front of the Carolina theater three minutes before they started, and enough for one of the CO boys to talk to me five minutes before he realized. I also saw Mr Damo after the show, having been studiously ignored during it. Then again with the Aruni's and the drinking.

Life has been pretty quiet elsewise -- Mergefest was a relatively good send off for me, I suppose. The first night had a slightly funereal aspect to it since I knew it was my last Cradle show, and would be the last time I saw a great many people before I go.
Now I'm in the midst of packing up -- boxing things up, throwing them away and giving/selling furniture. It's just now sinking in I'm leaving and it's not a happy feeling right now. I'm extremely anxious about so many things, things I could completely forget about over the weekend. The reality of the situation is that things are really coming together nicely, and I'm sure everything will be fine, but it is so easy to obsess, obsess, obsess. Money is always an issue. And time. But that's life, I suppose. Right now the realest thing for me is getting up and going to work each day, and knowing that I'll see some guy soon.

I've been reading a lot lately -- novels I've had for years that I suddenly feel the need to devour. Since my last post, I've finished Faulkner's The Unvanquished and Truman Capote's book (not a novel, but a collection of biographic/journalistic sketches that's really wonderful) Music for Chameleons. I'm currently reading Salinger's Franny and Zooey and have pulled Absalom, Absalom!, The Reivers, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Arden of Feversham and Valperga before New York.

Arden is a Renaissance play of unknown authorship (Marlowe and Shakespeare being lead contenders, and I'd bet a hound's tooth it's Kit) about an early 16th Century murder near Canterbury. Valperga is Mary Shelley's second novel (1823) subtitled The Life and Adventures of Castruccio, Prince of Lucca. It's a love story set in 13th Century Italy, near Florence and features Ghibelenes and Guelphs, gays and albinos. I wrote my English honors thesis on it. Specifically, how the relationship of Edward II and Piers Gaveston affects the perception of the title character. Dull stuff, really, but it amuses me.

I'm going stir-crazy again since my car is not for social use any more. IM me! The screen name is jaylemurph!

Also, take my Friendtest. I updated it!

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Can you die from a Hangover?

Tonight's Mergefest was largely what I thought it would be. As in saw many people, met many people, was out drinking til 6 am. Upon awaking, my mouth tastes like bad Chinese food, rum and cigarettes. The effect lingers after brushing.
I may have to leave the house for consumibles, but I just kinda want to crawl in a corner and whimper til tomorrow.

Friday, July 30, 2004

All right. So the cows stampeded. But then what?
The story from BBC News. A car with a woman in it is stampeded.
But note how brief the story is and how many questions go unanswered.

Where did the cows come from?
Why did they stampede?

And most importantly, What became of these stampeding, car-destroying kine?
  Are they on their way across the Atlantic to Destroy Us All?

More tomorrow abour MergeFest.

Dum dum dum...


Friday, July 16, 2004

Not Even Jersey City Is This Bad...
The place: Durham, NC
The date: one day, 15 July 2004
The Story, No 1:  Castrator Runs Off During Trial
The Story, No. 2: Who Needs Juries?
So after an eight-day work week, I've had to past two days off. All the time alone has made me weird -- today Cyd the Stuffed Cat was dancing to Looper's "Mondo 77".
I've also been studying Art History and Linear Algebra (I can now multiply matrices). And reading -- The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and The Magician's Nephew.  

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Dear Canada:

Please explain what this means to me.


You're Alberta. You're always up for a good time
and are the life of the party. There is an aura
of excitement about you and you try to have fun
wherever and whenever you can. You're quite
popular and understandbly so.

What Canadian Province Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, July 10, 2004

"There are some places Flipper just doesn't need to go.
-- me

Interestingly, I think the high point of my Friday night was Laura telling me I ought to become a sex toy reviewer for a site that says -- and I quote:

"We're interested in the positive aspects of sex toy play and want folks who appreciate the pleasure-potential of a marble-colored dildo or a vibrator that looks like a dolphin."

Erotic Undersea Adventures aside (and how often can one say that), life has been pretty quiet. The car, miraculously, is still chugging away. Just.

The highlight of the weekend was when we went to go see the Tiger Movie, Two Brothers.
Tigers, tigers, tigers! I woke up that morning asking "Know what today is? TIGER MOVIE DAY!" I turn into a four year old about tigers and was greatly impressed. There was growling. There was play. There was cute, fuzzy, striped tiger cubs.

Anyway. (We also watched Spellbound and laughed deliriously at the first girl's father's rancher boss. "He's a... uh... hard-workin'... a hard-workin... a hard-workin Mexican.")

Both my roommates are gone this month, so no-one's around. It makes the being stranded at home a little better, since there's no-one to tangle with. It also makes it lonely. Lonelier still since I can't go out, both because of the lack of transportation and lack of money.

And I think it's making me a little weird.

Someone mentioned John Titor, a alleged time-traveler who was active on the internet in 2000 and 2001. His story is just plausible enough to be considered and just ridiculous enough to be dismissed. For instance, he references (and predicts) some surprising accurate physics and provides some interesting evidence (scanned pages from his time machine's manual) but claims he survived The Second American Civil War AND World War Three and arrived in a 2036 Corvette.

I thought I'd investigate the physics behind his claim. Unfortunately, while I do have a good grasp of general physical theory, this sort of rigorous study (about Kerr fields and Minkowski space) is beyond my grasp of the necessary math. I am consequently learning linear algebra so I can learn the physics. Nerdy, hunh? At least I'll be ready when the bombs drop.
And I've already mastered Gaussian Operations!

I've also (perhaps as a related subject) started listening to Coast to Coast AM. It's sort of an alternate news programme, of the sort that takes UFO abduction and the Mothman seriously. Very X-Files-y. It's nice to listen to late, late at night, when it doesn't freak me out.
Currently, they're talking about subcutaneous microchips and how the government is USING THEM ON US KNOW FOR TRACKING!
To be fair, they do a lot of legitmate non-traditional reporting, like the new Infantfish.

I've also been reading a lot -- Meat is Murder, The Man Who Tried to Save the World and Dr Who: Empire of Death. And listening to classical music like Vivaldi and Beethoven.

However, I removed an error on my Financial Aid paperwork and applied for federal loans, so I hope I get me some money.

Friday, July 02, 2004

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Top Four Words I Have Learned...

...from watching French* Subtitles for Gilmore Girls: Complete First Season.

1) Desole -- Sorry
2) dingue -- Crazy
3) Fou -- Crazy
4) Tu plaisantes! -- You're kidding!

Okay. So it isn't /French/ French. It's Quebecois. But now I can be quirky in Montreal AND Paris.

Also, I picked up a copy of The Da Vinci Code last week at the used bookstore on Franklin Street. My god, is it awful. The writing is about on par with a talented fourth grader's. Rather than artfully slip in exposition (and there's a lot that needs to be), Dan Brown hammers it in clunky, completely unbelievable dialogue. The prolixity is in humourous contrast to the elementary French spoken by the French characters.
This is aside from the incredible thickness of the protaganists (It's an anagram, dammit, just like the first fourteen clues were!) -- the world's least convincing Art Historian and cryptologist.
Then again, if you can tell them apart, you've done better than I: the author does little work in making them believable as characters or even noticeably different from each other.
You may also want to ignore the research the author did -- apparently consisting solely of cracking open a used copy of Holy Blood, Holy Grail. Which he cites in the story (authenticity or lack of creativity -- you be the judge!) and whose authors are condensed into another unbelievable character (he's British 'cause he's stuffy!) with a name that's another tired anagram. It is Sir Leigh Teabing, which comes from Richard Leigh, one author of the Holy Blood book and Michael Baginet, the other.
And since he's English, he must like TEA.
The book's overweaning feature is its cocky assurance that this sort of juvenile thinking isn't just clever, it's genius. Of Da Vinci stature. It isn't. It gets a lot plain wrong (the word for a papal bull in French would never create a pun for a bullish person, since the words are different bulle and taureau where we have just 'bull') and a lot close to.
If this is the work of genius it commonly ascribed to be, we're all in a lot of trouble.

I did get on the same trip a compilation of pre-Shakespearean English drama -- it includes Gammer Gurton's Needle, The Shoemaker's Holiday and some liturgical plays. Actual clever stuff and worth reading.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

For the record,

I had to go through my archives to find that dream entry. It was weird. Old boyfriends, old dreams, old writing...
Makes you think.
You know...

Carly Simon should totally do an Amish version of "You're So Vain" and call it "You're So Plain"...


I've mentioned before about recurring dreams -- go to the 9/25 entry. I have my Doctor Who book one. I have my teeth one (though not lately -- I think I have enough real things to worry about right now).
I had one last night that I've had a few times, but this one was the most vivid of the series.
The Hasty Heart is a bad play, so bad that the 1949 movie starred Ronald Reagan. (I can't even be bothered to tell you the plot, but you can read it here) but it was my first paid gig in the theatre. I played an Australian named Digger. I was in it 8 years ago, after my freshman year of college, at a little school in the town my parent lived in. Anyway.
In this dream, I'm doing the play again. Now. And I have absolutely no idea what my lines are. (The dream prompted me to try to remember some, and I can't.) And I'm about to go on stage. But rather than being upset about it, I'm totally down with it. I'm reading the script and happy to go on and make shit up. Weird.

I feel bad about whining about my birthday. I actually had a really good time. Helen and I went to Outback Steakhouse in honor of Helen's visit. We had the World's Skeeziest Waiter (tm). When he oiled his way up to us the first time and asked "You guyz evah been to Outback b'fore?", Helen and I burst out laughing.

The rest of the night, the Skeeze worked his way closer and closer to Helen, eventually sitting on the seat next to her as he took her entree order. "Do waiters usually do that?" she asked. We lost again it again when he showed his observant side: "Do I detect an accent?"
I was just glad she was too polite to demand I pay her dry cleaning bill.

After that, we were all pretentious and went to Chapel Hill's wine bar and played video games to balance things out. I played Galaga - the world's most advanced form of fun. (Giant. Space. Bugs. What more do you need for fun?) Ms Pac-Man was also played.

Then we went to The OCSC.

On our way home, we stopped at the Harris Teeter, where Helen got me a cake. Yay! It was the first one I'd had in years. It was a chocolate/yellow marble cake with chocolate icing. So good! Then I watched an episode of Dr Who.

My Haul? I got a totally overpriced Dr Who coffee table book called Doctor Who: The Legend which I've been poring over ever since. My parents got me a third Doctor video, The Ambassadors of Death. Miss Helen got me a little spiny anteater keychain and a marvy little book called "50 Places to Eat Southern in New York". Very savvy, no? Miss Laura Llew also mailed me the lovely and below-quoted book Meat is Murder.


Sunday, June 27, 2004

Dear My Computer:

Why do you have the address for I have never navigated you to this site, nor have I even heard of it before you showed up in my history bar. But there was this picture there so it is okay. Please feel free to find such sites for me in the future.

And Just in Time:

Dos & Don'ts & More Don'ts for Gay Boy Refugees

Where we learn I am not a Strong Black Woman.
"I want a badge that says 'SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR BAND'!"
-- me

So, I'm growing tired of Chapel Hill. I think I've lived here too long not to be a) a dirty hippy b) a post-graduate student or c) washing down my valium with wine as I pick up the kids from soccer practice.
Or maybe I'm just sick of hipsters in general. I have not discussed my birthday in any great length not because it wasn't fabulous (which it was) but because of one slight incidence that upon reflection, made me peeved.
I called seven people inviting them out to drinks that night. None showed. I had a really good time though, and the free flow of booze kept the sound of me cursing Dirty Hipsters to a minimum. The event nevertheless brought home to certainty my working assumption that hipsters are relatively shallow, undependable and flighty group. As does the fact that not one has called since my car died.
Yeah, I'm fine, actually. Thanks for asking.

Then there's the people I work with. Mostly good people, it's true, but then there's this story.
Dan the Man is one of the cashiers I work with. Dan the Man is special, as in the Olympics. He disappears every year for a few weeks to go to Viet-Nam, his homeland. Not too long ago, he came back with a wife.
Who didn't speak English.
Now, while I can't imagine the hijinks THAT household got up to, it appeared that it had an issue. Dan the Man's Wife has a sister left in Hanoi. DTM's Wife apparently constantly worries over her and sends her money from the Nail Shop she works in. But they want her to come over to our country. Specifically, they want her to marry a nice American boy to make it nice and legal.
They've been cogitating over this for some time. Recently, it came to Dan the Man's simple mind.
He'd pay our co-worker C-Space to take marry her.
C-Space needs money, you see. He has nowhere to live (he rents the living room of an apartment where I used to live, if that tells you anything) and no money. Why no money? C-Space has los problemas con drogas. He likes the coca leaves. A lot.
Yeah, Dan! Marry your sister in law off to the local cokehead.
Honestly, it sounds like the set-up for a new FOX sit-com...

Announcer: "He's mildly retarded! She can't speak a word of English! Together they're SPECIAL WED! Friday nights only on FOX!"

DTM: "Honey! C-Space and I are in jail! Send help!"

C-Space: "Ohmanohmanohmanohmanohmanohmanohman!"

DTMW: "Me rove you rongtime!"

DTM: "No sweetie! Get a lawyer! A law-yer! Like Matlock!"

Fresh Original and X-citing!

Friday, June 25, 2004

Even Weird Girls...

...Like Gay Porn.

Goddam Furris. Have some real sex.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

"Until my twenty-first birthday I went by the name of Steven Morrissey when I drank. People in-the-know called me Steve-o."
Joe Pernice, from the 33 1/3 book Meat is Murder

Damn. Wish I wrote that.
...And the shoe goes bam

The verdict on my car?
"The engine's blown. We can't fix it." Apparently, a fuel rod has blown and the oil pan is leaking into the water system, a problem endemic to Neons.
They should have just patted my head and said "It's too sick to live, sweetheart."

This news is of course incredibly depressing: I can't afford a new car. I was crying last night at work because I didn't know what to do.
However, having slept, things did look better today. The car still works (barely), so I can get back and forth to work at least temporarily. I'm looking for places that buy used cars (the body at least is in good shape) to try to sell it and buy a used one to last for the next few weeks. At best, I can wait till my car officially dies, and then have it towed to the perspective buyer.
But I'm still pretty disheartened. I'm too frightened to drive anywhere other than to or from work. My parent's assistance? Offering to buy a classified ad in the local paper. They left today to go to St Louis, as well. Nice to know they're at hand to help me as I freak out...

In other news, I finished The Eleventh Tiger today. It was pretty good; the characterization of the TARDIS crew was vivid, even if it took the relationship between Ian and Barbara far too far. It picks up subtext and dashes ahead...
The plot was workable, if not fascinating. Unnamed aliens orchestrate the apparent revival of Qin Shi Huangdon, the first emperor of China. His growing concern over his identity is a nice twist, even if the super-powerful but mysterious alien intelligence isn't for David McIntee, the author.

Song of the day: "Be Like the Bluebird" from the score of Anything Goes. Specifically, from the 1989 London revival. Why this song has been stuck in my head all day is beyond me (though I did listen to the album on Sunday) but its placidly uplifting message has helped my mood. Anticipation of the new Cole Porter biopic out soon? (Psst: click on the link and you can hear some of the music from the disc...)

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

So, in a sign of amusing lack of patience, my car was fuming smoke from its tailpipe yesterday the whole last mile home from work. This impressed on me the need to take it to a mechanic for a diagnosis.
Surprisingly, the car made the trip back to Chapel Hill and the mechanic next door. It's currently in dock, waiting autop-- examination.
I have no money to repair it. I was so nervous about it that my hands were shaking and I was in what Southerners call a state of distaction. Until I thieved a glass or two of wine from my cafe....

I hope I can make it home with the car.

So it's been a while. I've been busy. I worked on a play for Burning Coal theatre in Raleigh, The Man Who Tried To Save The World. I was the dramaturg and assistant director. What with my day job and all, I was working 18 hours a day. Not much time was left for anything else.
Allow me to go over some salient points that will lead up to my relaunching of this site:

--I applied to graduate school, at Glasgow University and Hunter College in Manhattan. I got in both places.

--Hunter College gave me money to go there.

--I'm going there.

--Which means I'm moving to New York.

--And moving there with my boyfriend.

Which means this place will be an opportunity to document that. What with me being from a small town in North Carolina originally and a small city there now, it's sure to be filled with all manner of comic misadventures, like Green Acres in reverse.

*thumps pitchfork twice

Some Common Questions Answered

Aren't you excited?
Yes. Sometimes. Right now, my car is going through the last stages of its protracted death (complete with death rattle), and I am very poor, so right now I'm pre-occupied with managing to ge the car fixed somehow, still make it to work, and still save money for the upcoming move. I have visions of the whole thing falling through, and me working a crappy job at Whole Foods Market forever.
Vivid visions.
At night.
When I should be asleep.

Aren't you scared?

Not really. I'm too stupid to be properly afraid of New York at this point. I don't even regard it as hell, as all well-brought-up Southern boys should. It still seems kinda cool.
I am concerned about getting around. I have no -- and I mean this literally -- no sense of direction. I can't wait for amusing stories of me wandering the city lost.

Aren't you happy?
I got into grad school. That was the big thing, the thing that proved something to me. Making it work out will make me happier.

Nervous about Moving In With Someone?
Not until married people/people in LTR tell me how good it is. "Oh," they say "it's great you're moving in together," in roughly the same tone as the pod people who say "Jooooiiinnnn Uuuussss" in bad 50s films.

Tell Us Your Specific Plans!
Uhh, thanks Parent/Well Meaning Friend/Nosy Customer as soon as I know something, I'll pass that on...
It may be just a few weeks away, but the plans are still sketch. Saves ruining plans, anyway.

So there. Plans for the future.
Send me money now and I'll name a stupid occurrence after you -- "The Laura Llew Wandering of Queens"!

Monday, June 21, 2004

A Thought From Work...

Every once in a while, I'll see a gay couple with a screaming kid. I think, "Wow, they've been through a lot to have a kid. Legal stuff, red tape, adoption agencies..." I cut them some slack.
But almost every time I see a straight couple with a whiny kid, I think, "Jesus Christ, if he had just pulled out, he'd have saved all of us the irritation."

Meanwhile, check out the Law And Order Coloring Book!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Damn Damn Damn!

I just spent a whole hour writing a re-lanuching post, then I deleted it by accident as I looked up a web address.

Check back here tomorrow when I'm not pissed off and re-write it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

And If A Double-Decker Bus...

Still, not a lot interesting to have happened. I finally got around to a mess of email correspondance, to some online music magazines and some friends.
But, here, of some import to the world, proof that Morrissey is in fact a prophet and mighty man, despite his latest release:

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out*

Speaking of keen music, Camera Obscura was on the Gilmore Girls tonight. It leads me to say: "I /told/ you they'd be popular." Just like Franz Ferdinand. And just like Architecture in Helsinki will be.

Just call me the Indie St John of the Wilderness. And I bet if he hadn't had his head cut off, he'd say "I told you that Jesus would be popular," as well.

I probably should go on about the qualities of the Spring, the yellow-green buds that adorn the trees, the flurries of dogwood just inside the local woods, the return of birdsong to the air, the perfect blue of the sky et al. But it's been pissing down lately, which is nice because it removes the pollen that coats everything. Nothing like a layer of jizz on everything outdoors...

And yes, I'm still cogitating in the 28 Days Later/Dawn of the Dead piece.

Post brought to you by: CO, obviously; Essex Green, The Long Goodbye; The Luckmsiths, Midweek, Midmorning EP; and by default The Queen Is Dead by the Smiths.

Book of the Day: Dr Who: Loving The Alien. Giant Ants! British Space Programmes in the 1950s! Parallel Universe infiltrating our own! It's the sequel to Illegal Alien, my favourite BBC Dr Who Story! Whoot! Maybe I'll soon have a handle on the 87 plot strings!

*This news item brought you via Ms C. Pigtails.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Alas, nothing interesting has happened to me lately.
Friday was nice: it was payday, so I went out and bought a few things: Jonathan David by Belle and Sebastian on vinyl, Dr Who: Scream of the Shalka, and Blackadder II on DVD.
I also saw Dawn of the Dead this weekend. I may write a decent piece on its relationship to 28 Days Later.
I also tidied up the Template around here as well.
More intelligent writing later.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

My, it has been a while, hasn't it?
I've been very busy lately, between work and rehearsal. To illustrate, here's my schedule for the past several weeks.

6.00 am: Alarm goes off
6.20: Actually get out of bed. Get ready for work
7.10: Arrive to work 10 minutes late
7.35: First dose of espresso after successful open of cafe (3 shots, chocolate, milk)
10.35: Second dose, since by now I'm falling asleep again (2 shots, straight)
12.30 pm: Lunch
1.59: Final dose of espresso one minute before clocking out (3 shots, chocolate, milk)
2.30: Home. Twenty minutes of FF3 before my contacts stop working
3.00: Crawl into bed and read for an hour before eyes stop working
4.00: Nap!
6.00: Leave for rehearsal
7.00: Rehearsal in Raleigh
10.00: Leave for home. Listen to World Financial Report on BBC World Service on NPR for no obvious reason.
11.00: Arrive home. Eat dinner.
12.00: Pass out.

You'll notice a distinct lack of social functions there. You'll also have to thrown in radio shows, Music Staff and time spent on preparing matieral for rehearsal.
Bleagh, bleagh, bleagh.

But it's all (temporarily) over. Waiting for Godot opened Thursday to a modest crowd. You can read an accurate, if not glowing, review here. You'll notice the lack of the phrase "...and the dramatug sucked ass" so I must have done okay.*

I also found out I got into the MA Dramaturgy program at Hunter College, which is in Manhattan. I'm still waiting to hear back from Glasgow University, but right now at least I'm leaning towards going to New York.

I've been asked to be the Assitant Director for Burning Coal's (the company who did Waiting for Godot) next show, an original work called The Man Who Tried to Save the World. It's exciting as a) dramaturgs like new plays and b) it's another professional gig before Fall and c) I'm happy about working with this director and writer. More about this later, I'm sure...

And really that's all that's happened. I beat Final Fantasy 3 today. I've been playing that for several weeks, so it was a nice feeling. But it IS a 15 year old game... I might be starting Final Fantasy 4 or The Legend of Zelda 3 sometime soon.

*This actually never occurs in reviews

This post brought to you by: The Essex Green: The Long Good-Bye (cause it's SPRING now); Camera Obscura: Underachievers Please Try Harder (on VINYL), Baxendale: "The Nineteen Sixties".

Books: Holy Blood, Holy Grail: I bought this the night I got the email from Hunter, since I've wanted to read it for ages. It's about Le Prieure de Sion, which may be an actual secret society behind the Knight Templar and whose origin is the sons of Christ, or may just be a group of Fench Aristo Jokers. It ranges from extremely well researched and thoughtful to groping for justification... I'm just not sure at which points. Interestingly, Henry Lincoln was a writer for Dr Who in the 60s.

Also: Blue Box, a sixth Doctor Dr Who PDA. I've also recently finished Heritage and Fear of the Dark.

Word of the Day: Via the above Holy Blood, Holy Grail --
The term Holy Grail first appears in the works of 13th Century troubadours, knight/poets like Chretien de Troyes and Wolfram von Eisenbach as "San Graal". This may be an accidental or deliberate obfuscation of the Medieval French "Sang Real" (same pronunciation) which in Modern French would be "Sangre Royale" and English "Royal Blood".

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Recovery is a Process

I was recently savagely attacked by a Welshman. Not this kind, more this kind.
I have consequently gone into a period of hiding/shriving.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Like a Horse, Boyz...
Quiz Me
Jay spins tunes as
DJ Crude Stallion

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me


The BBC announced the new Dr Who today.
Christopher Eccleston.

He's been in 28 Days Later and Cracker, both of which I own on DVD, and therefore, are swell. I very much approve.

The writers have also been anounced for the series: Russel T Davies, who created Queer as Folk; Mark Gatiss, of The League of Gentlemen; who with Paul Cornell established the New Adventures (Cornell also recently wrote BBCi's Scream of the Shalka and wrote this months's EDA based on it); Stephen Moffat wrote the 35th Anniversary sketch with Rowan Atkinson, The Curse of Fatal Death.

The series starts filming in a few weeks, to be broacast next November.

...My only shame: This guy knew about the new Dr Who before me.

Anyway, your local Nighthawk is off to drink a toast to new Who!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

So, Friday was a major coup in that I finally mailed off my grad school applications. I has always assumed that that would be the end of the difficult part, since it would be out of my hands and I could stop worrying.
I think I worry more about it now that ever, since I can't actually /do/ anything about them now.
I'm worrying a lot in general: my car is surely dying and I haven't got a dime for the no doubt costly repairs it will take. Also, I appear to have some manner of gastro-intestinal disorder. But the whole no-money siutation also means no doctor.
Also, I think my bed is falling apart.

Rehearsals started yesterday for Waiting for Godot. It was exciting being an "Actual Theatre Professional" and I think I'm doing okay.
Except for the whole "locking my keys in the car while they were in the ignition" deal. At least AAA is free.

Work is... interesting right now. One of the cafe workers is an elderly man with a questionable mental state. Right now, he's difficult. Common consensus is that he's off his meds. Along with the fact that the manager has been on vacation for the past two weeks and the assistant manager had started two days prior, George has turned into a terror. He's literally acting like a three year old: tantrums, walking away from the cafe. Generally, he's incompetent and now he's a burden. Saturday, he had every single person in the cafe livid -- as in calling for his immediate termination.

To soothe myself from this, I went out and bought Belle and Sebastian's Legal Man 12 inch. They also had finally gotten in I'm A Cuckoo, which I also bought. I was baffled to find Matt Henderson and Patrick Doyle, two sinister kids, thanked. I still haven't found out why. I'm inappropriately curious and apt to ponder possible orgies.
I also cashed my tax return check (allowing for such great expense) and then wasted some more money on DVDs (The Fellowship of the Ring and Dr Who: The Seeds of Death) and books (Loving the Alien and Blue Box). I even now regret this expenditure.

I've been unusally moody lately, and a storm Sunday knocked out power, leaving me to read by candelight and ponder my troubles.

Yeah... This was a bitchy moany post. I apologize.

The only really good thing lately has been some guy, who has very patiently listend to me moan at length. He sure is swell.

Current reads: The Suns of Caresh. It's good, but I don't feel like writing a review.
Current music: Franz Ferdinand's new album came out today!
Vocabulary word: Morpion -- a louse.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

More results!

You're a Perfect Kiss. You and your best friend
are a little more than friends now aren't
you...? hehe

What kind of Hot Boy Kiss are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

I bet you were thinking, "He only post this as an excuse to have a hott picture up."
Bet you're right.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004


My, it has been a while hasn't it?
Nothing very much exciting has happened.

I went away for a few day's vacation. I went up North to visit this gut I met. I don't suppose that was very interesting, if you weren't me or that guy. We spent a lot of time sitting around watching TV (esp The Family Feud) and snuggling.

On Valentine's Day, we went up to New York for the day. Most of what we did was stuff that guy wanted to do, since our last trip was mostly stuff I wanted to do. We went to the Mass Transit Museum, located in a disused subway stop across from the Borough Hall in Brooklyn. It was actually very interesting, all about the Els and buses and streetcars they used in the city, as well as Everything There Is to Know about the subway. The bottom level, the actual disused platform, had actual subway cars dating back to the 1910s. Not being a city denizen (a citizen?), I wasn't so intrigued, but I'd definitely pay $5 to go back.

We also went to a little book store and the Union Square Barnes and Noble, several music stores like The Other Place and St Marks Sounds. Happily, I can say in this respect, New York ain't got nothin on no Chapel Hill. (Camera Obscura's new disc cheaper and with more copies here. What else do you need to know?)

We went to an English restaurant, Tea and Sympathy for dinner. The food -- which I expected to be awful -- was great. I had a Tweed Pie -- salmon and cod baked with a cover of Mashed Potatoes. (That guy had bangers and Mash.) They even had Irn Bru. What was Scotland's Own soft drink like? Rust orange in color is about all I can say. The favour was totally unique. We also stopped in their store where I got CHOCOLATE HOBNOBS and tea and a Cadbury Egg.
After that? I walked up to EssaBagel and wandered around ChinaTown and went into a Virgin Megastore (I was too cool to even buy the Franz Ferdinand import CD...)
After that, we drove home -- we had parked in Newark and were just happy to make it back to my Little Red Car.

My biggest kick on /every/ trip to New York is the subway. Being a well-brought up Southern boy, I was raised to believe that the New York subway was as close to hell as a man might get on this Earth. Granted, about 1982 this was probably correct, but in the post-Guiliani world, I get a rush of guilty pleasure riding them. Especially the A Train...
Hee hee...

I'll post again soon.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Click here to find out why.
Request: Denied!

That's right.
Alicia's Livejournal is /officially/ too spicy for Whole Foods Market.


Friday, February 06, 2004

Reality Strikes Back

Dear Jay:
Under no circumstances can you bitch about your haircut when a) you went to a place called Great Clips for Hair and b) pointed out someone in Teen People as the person whose haircut you wanted.

Bet you miss us now we're gone,
Your hair

Dear Jay:
I couldn't help but notice from the above you wanted to have ****** ******'s hair. What you ACTUALLY wanted was to LOOK like him. Unfortunately, you'd need a dedicated team of liposuctionists, dieticians, personal trainers, personal groomers and personal shoppers, not to mention a fully-functioning Time Machine.
Doctor Who don't make no house calls, yo.

Shut up and eat some pizza,
Your Fat Ass

On the plus side, I did get the new Dr Who novel and The Boy With the Arab Strap on vinyl today, so I can swill cheap vodka, read fan-boy wanking and listen to Sad Bastard music in the corner while everyone else goes to see BAILEY'S COMET at the circus....

Thursday, February 05, 2004

I Am A Grumpy Fuck

The last few days, I've been in an awful mood that I just can't get out of (cf. Mr Grainger in Good-bye, Mr Grainger, Arthur Brough's last episode of Are You Being Served?). I attribute it to the following:

A) Not being around people enough (see the following)
B) Work. Work is particularly stressful right now. The assistant manager we all loved, Big Al, left this week to move to California. Rather than pick anyone currently employed in the cafe (and therefore /appropriate/ to be a manager) they hired someone new. Now, as the current Manager is... a nice guy but totally unfit to manage, the assistant manager is the one with the real power. But since he comes from outside...
Also, in picking someone from outside, it screws over the people already employed in the cafe, who deserve a promotion. Now, as I'm [hopefully] going to grad school in the Fall, this doesn't include me, but the other people who /weren't/ hired are pissed. And those who have axes to grind are also pissed and using this chance to be publicly pissed.
Leaving me in the middle of all this politics. Eep! It's all quite stessful.
C) Grad school stress. It all costs more than I have available, between transcript requests, GRE reporting, applications fees, stamps and begging people to write nice recommendations. Let alone the stress of worrying if I can actually GET IN!
D) My dramaturgy work, or Needing To Do More Of.
E) Trying to get enough money to visit someone... Stupid snowstorm making me miss work and not make money!
F) My friends ditching me! Okay, this is totally me being dumb, Having no money (see above -- no work, for me = no food, so I waste money BUYING food to live) which means I don't go out, so I don't see any friends.
But in my vain, mean-spirited minutes, I am pissed I'm missing the damn circus.
G) Stupid XDU people bitching about overplaying Camera Obscura! OVERPLAYING CO?! YOU STUPID FUCKS! S.U.C.K. I.T.!

BUT. I am amused for minutes a day by...

A) The video for Step Into My Office Baby, on the single CD release. Colburn getting mad action! Yes! Martin with a bad moustache! Yes! Murduch as a side-burned vicar! Yes! Bad 70s Apparel! YES!!!
B) CD Alley after four months have gotten in my vinyl copy of TWATTYBUS!
C) WEEBL AND BOB! Oh, Secsy Idleberry! Thank You! Oh, how I needed this! Even if it was Mark that properly told me to go, you're much hotter!
D) I made a new drink at work, White Cocoa. It's quite nice having people at work walk up and say "There's a new drink people are talking about. I must try it!"
E) Borders has in the bew 8th Doctor book, Sometimes Never.
F) I illegally copied Underachivers, Please Try Harder. It rocks.

Also, Mad Congrats to Flapson and Alicia, who both got into the UNC Library Sciences School. Especially with Alicia's quote:
"You know a cute Indie Boy in got into my School?"

Yo Kev: A HINT!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


In a recent post, I talked about gay marriage. I think I made it sound like I was universally in support of it. This is sort of misleading. While I am in support of the rights it pre-supposes for long-term couples, I have some issues with it.
I think it puts gay couples in a very weird position. On one hand, obviously any couple would want the tax breaks, hospital visitation rights, adoption rights, etc that marriage would offer, and certainly I don't think couples should be denied these rights merely on the basis of their gender.
But on the other hand, it's a very sneaky technique used by the mainstream to make gays fit into its norms, to make a gay couple identical to a straight couple when obviously there are differences. And to show any reticence at taking on the role of the mainstream is as good as showing reticence to the rights they offer...
I know many people/couples/situations that do not and will not subscribe to a traditional idea as a 'married couple' and therefore will not be rewarded with the rights the government gives to 'traditional' couples.
Also, I think in establishing a marriage, you establish certain (gender-based) roles, and viewpoint I share my friend Karen, who actually was married. To be fair, I only know one other married couple (Kieth and Kate) and I have not discussed this with them.
I feel that, if I were to make a commitment to some boy (Obviously here, more than I have already) that I would want it to be based on the unique, personal relationship I had with him rather than some sort of adherence to a role. For me, a real commitment would hinge on the fact that you have the freedom to get up and leave at any point without repercussion, but you voluntarily chose daily to be with your person day after day.
I sort of look at monogamy in askance, anyway. For me, anyway, I don't think sex is that big of a deal... There are other, more important agents of compatibilty and other reasons for a couple to stay together. I was talking to Big Al at work the other day about What Would End a Relationship, and for me, sex never really entered into it. I mean, for any reason some one might cheat, I was pretty relaxed about it.... If your were just bored with your lover, or wanted to try something your lover wouldn't do, or just plain ol' had the chance to fuck a hott person on the fly -- none of these would really bother me, as long as the person came back. It wouldn't even particularly bother me if I didn't know they cheated, as long as we had some other basis for a relationship besides sex.
That said... I have never been cheated on, so all this is said with a helping of blessed innocence.
Also -- much more importantly -- I am very involved with someone who does not share these views, so I'm certainly not going to sleep around now.

Anyway, see below for Sen -- and Presidential Candidate -- John Edwards reply to my query on his stance on gay marriage.

In other news, I had the most distrubing dream -- I was in my high school American History class when a nuclear bomb dropped. People in front of the window were burned by the flash, and I did the old duck but worried cause I had no cover. The thing I remember most was the screaming that didn't end. I told myself this was a dream, and I should wake up but I didn't and was sure I was really there...
I did wake up, eventually covered in sweat and out of breathe. Weird, hunh?

I hope I can break out of this foulsomely ill mood I'm in...

Soundtrack: Camera Obscura, as overplayed on WXDU, Underachievers Please Try Harder. (No 2 on this week's Top 88!)
Current Book: Dr Who - Emotional Chemisty. Russia: 1812, 2024, 5000. What connects them? Beats me, but it's heavy with reference to Magnus Greel (The Talons of Weng-Chiang) so it must be interesting. Mind the Zygma beams! Also, it has OGRON: Russia does UNIT...

Addendum !:

Dear Mr. Eckard:

Thank you for contacting me regarding H.J. Res. 56, legislation
proposing an amendment to the Constitution related to marriage. I appreciate
hearing from you.

As you may know, states generally maintain the authority to establish the
definition of and the requirements for marriage. However, current federal law
defines marriage as "a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and
wife" and defines "spouse" as "a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or
a wife."

H.J. Res. 56 proposes a constitutional amendment declaring that marriage in the
United States can only consist of the union between a man and a woman. This
amendment would also state that neither the federal Constitution, the
constitution of any state, nor state or federal law, could be construed to
require that marital status be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups. H.J.
Res. 56 has been referred to the House Judiciary Committee.

As a matter of personal belief, I do not support gay marriage, although
I believe that gays and lesbians in committed relationships have both rights and
responsibilities and should be entitled to partnerships benefits under our laws.

I also have deep reverence for our Constitution, and believe it should
be amended only when absolutely necessary. I am not able to support this
legislation. Please be assured that I will keep your strong views about this
issue in mind as it is considered by the Senate.

Again, thank you for contacting me. Please feel free to keep in touch.

Yours sincerely,

John Edwards
United States Senate

Monday, January 26, 2004


It snowed today!
I must be getting old, because as happy as it made me to go smoosh my nose against the window and watch at work, I soon thought "Man, snow makes it suck to go places!"
It started a little after nine and contunied til after dark, to be replaced by sleet, and I fear, now, by freezing rain. They're calling for an accumulation of 1/2 an inch. A quarter inch snaps limbs and power lines. I remember only too well a week last December with no power... But still, it's pretty.
We got let out of work an hour and a half early, and Music Staff was cancelled, so I did what everyone should on a Snow Day: I wasted it completely.
I played Dragon Warrior 4 and did laundry, generally shirking my dramaturgical work and playwriting urges. I did ask my parents to pick up the $36 fee for reporting my GRE score to the US colleges I'm applying for. I hope they pick it up. (Civilized institutions in the UK require neither that score NOR an application fee...)
I also listened to If You're Feeling Sinister straight through for the first time in a couple months today. I had forgotten how wonderfully coherent it is, and how... generally perfect it is. And it ends with Judy and the Dream of Horses.
Speaking of dreams, I've had some strange ones recently.

Dirty Dream Number One: (no Canadians involved)
I'm in a hotel bedroom with my parents. They aren't sharing a bed, but each is sharing with one child. My sister is with my mother, and this new child -- a 16 year old adopted boy, who looked oddly like a just-past-punk kid from 80s London -- was sharing with my father. I think, "Oh, I'll share with my older [and real] brother."
But when he comes in, it isn't my /real/ brother, it's my friend Keith, who obviously for the purposes of the dream -- he was conversing with my father, both in a vest and jockey shorts and black sandals -- was my brother.
To spare myself from whatever pyschological weirdness that sleeping arrangement implies, my memory goes on pause here...
...And resumes with me in a train station in Philadelphia (?!) waiting to catch some form of transportation to Chicago. Everyone is dressed in odd 1940s-esque apparell and we're obviously on the viewing platform of a very tall building. I keep asking people I went to High School with for directions to the subway. They're all apparently irritated with me for asking, because they all keep saying "The bus station and the subway stop are at the SAME PLACE!"
Finally this guy Chad gives me the directions ("One street up and three blocks over...") and I wake up.

Dirty Dream Number Two: (It's pretty special, too...)

For reasons that are not clear, large bears are chasing me around my parents yard. But not the yard now, the yard as it was a decade ago. I climb up a ladder we haven't had for 15 years (which I for some reason deeply cherished) and realize I'm being chased by one black bear and one brown bear and the bears REALLY want to eat me. Just before they catch me, I wake up sweaty and gross.

Make of that what you will...

I also bough the Belle and Sebastian DVD, Fans Only. It is keenly, terribly, awfully wonderful. I've only watched three videos (LLPJ -- first of course, then Legal Man and Jonathan David) and I may just ration myself to extend the pleasure, a la Llew and A Conspiracy of Dunces. Also, in the videos, they run around Glasgow. A lot.
That's not a good reason to want to move there, right?

Book of the Day: Doctor Who -- Timeless
Soundtrack: IYFS and Duncan Sheik's s/t debut. God, this sucks so much. SO much. How did I ever tolerate it?

PS: Go here. Click on the Yeti. Click again to swing. Do it. You will understand. You will waste hours. "Ooof!"

Thursday, January 22, 2004


Noted Shakespearean actor takes Doctor Who role.
That's right. My look-a-like, Derek Jacobi, plays the role of the Master in BBCi's Doctor Who webcast, The Scream of the Shalka.
I was going to wait and watch one episode a day but SOD THAT.
The Best Term Evah

In dealing with my Tragic Llew-Snubbing Situation, I need to try to headline with excellent phrases as she would do. So here we go:

Offal Based Delicacies!

Go here.

consume Mass Quantities.

Like a Bee, yo

I've been busy.
I'm preparing my graduate school applications (that's Glasgow U*, Brooklyn U and Hunter College), so I'm meeting with professors, tracking down scholarship titles and coming up with self-important position titles to make me sound more desirable. I've also written a Personal Statement illuminating my desire to obtain a Masters degree.
I'll soon have to go get transcripts ($7 a pop) from the University Registrar. I'm debating going to see another** old professor who might refuse to see me or who might write a letter of recommendation with some heft. What do you think?

I also need to go hit up Julie and Dr Moskell, other old professors whom I hope would say nice things.

I'm also busily working on Waiting for Godot stuff. I'm preparing an information packet for the actors, which I hope to be a pocket guide on critical thought on the play. I'm also busily researching the play itself. I should post some links so people can see what I'm doing.
Both of the above mean I'm doing lots of internet stuff, which is made easier by my keen new computer that works (roughly) a billion times faster than my old 1996 model. I can run /two/ programs at once now!

I also hosted Trivia Night this week with Keith and Alicia. It was fun -- Alicia got macked on by a hot guy. I got yelled at by a belligerent fag from the Professionally Gay team I loathe (Score!) and heckled by the Old Bastard. Both on the music ID round. It -- the round -- was the identification of song covers. We gave you the date and some information about each track and you gave the names of the performers, both originally and in the cover. The Fag shouted "And which of these bands have we heard?!" Let's see... Frank Sinatra appeared twice, and so did David Bowie. Bruce Springsteen, Bobby Darrin, and the Beatles all showed up, too. Real obscure folk... Even the one I thought was most obscure, an Iron Wine cover of the Postal Service, had half the teams get it right...

Our other topics were Current Events (all of us), Subtitles (we give the subtitle, you give the common title) by me, Comic Books by Miss A, and Beer Slogans by Keith. We had three ties and a different winner for each round, so we felt successful.

I've also been political, writing to Presidential Candidate John Edwards (who is also the senior Senator from my state) and Congressman David Price, a regular customer at my store, asking their takes on gay marriage. Edwards is personally against it, but against HR 56, which is the initial stages of the Constitutional Amendment defining marriage as solely between a man and a woman. Price doesn't give his stance on marriage, but also is against HR 56. I'll post his response to me below. Apparently, Mr Edwards is too busy campaigning to respond. Tellingly, Liddy Dole, our junior Senator, has no statement about marriage. I /assume/ she's all for HR 56.
And what about Edwards in the Iowa Caucus? Yay! Although -- and this is strictly a rumor from a Kennedy official who comes into work -- Kerry is going to ask Edwards to be his Veep.

I also got a DVD player. So far, I have bought the extended Two Towers, 28 Days Later, and Doctor Who and the Aztecs. Last night, I had the option to buy the new Belle and Sebastian DVD, Fans Only but I bought BlackAdder the Third instead. I'm stilling trying to figure out why.

I did, however, get a hold of a copy of the band's new single, Step into My Office Baby, so I sort of got my B&S fix for the week. "Love on the March" I adore, even though I didn't really like it on their Peel Christmas show last year. Friday is payday, so maybe then and can get some more B&S goodness. Their next one is due out next month. Camera Obscura is /also/ out this week, and though we got a copy at the station on Sunday, it was snitched away from me. Luckily, it only contained a rogue Lambchop album and no Scots Goodness. Although in the Scots goodness dept I'm already swimming since Martyn Spacekid sent me the Gone Aways EP.

Also, I'm swimming in Dr Who novels -- my two Previous Doctor Adventures -- amusingly, a first and second Doctor story came in this week (Ten Little Aliens and Combat Rock), so I still have... seven to read.
*drools like Homer

I missed the Rosebuds last week and still am feeling po'ly, but they play again in March. Kate's soiree was fun though, and ended in time for me to go home and sleep before work the next day.

Generally, I'm tired and busy, but happy.
Reason Baxendale rules: They mention Doctor Who in their song The 1960s

*They rule. Because they mention Belle and Sebastian on the first page of their prospectus.
**Long story. He was a creep.

Appendix I: My personal statement

The first time I applied to graduate school, the Personal Statement gave me some pause. ?What,? I thought, ?Ought I to write?? I had no concrete idea of what I wanted in post-graduate education, or what I could offer any potential institution I might enroll in.
Now, however, I have a much better concept of what graduate school means to me. I have had the chance to actually do some dramaturgical work, both as a production dramaturg for local theatre companies and as a literary dramaturg, working with playwrights at local universities to prepare their text for production.
As seems most appropriate, much of my desire in returning to school is to further my education in theatre history and dramatic writing. With bachelor?s degrees both in theatre studies and English literature, I have a broad, general knowledge of writing for theatre and its history, but I hope in graduate school to have the opportunity to make a more detailed and serious study of how plays are written, how they fit into their respective historical and social situations and how these works continue to adapt and intrigue audiences and artists today.
My other significant aim in seeking graduate study is to better understand the professional demands of dramaturgy. While I already know to a certain degree what the profession I wish to enter entails, I feel that for my own satisfaction, I need more formal training in what different kinds of dramaturgs are expected to do in their jobs and the best ways to go about doing these tasks.
I have other reasons for wanting to return to my studies as well, although these aren?t quite as acutely pressing themselves on me. I would like eventually to get a PhD in my field, and I cannot progress without first receiving a master?s degree. Also, I have found that working in the theatre in a university setting to be very different from the theatre Outside. There seems to me to often be a greater emphasis on learning the crafts of the theatre and a greater freedom to try very new techniques and methodologies.

Appendix II: The Reply I got from Rep. Price.

Dear Mr. Eckard:

Thank you for contacting me regarding the Federal Marriage Amendment, H.J. Res. 56.

I oppose H.J. Res. 56 and will vote against it if it is considered by the House. I do not believe it is the business of the federal government to legislate a "definition" of marriage, much less to amend the constitution in this respect. Our religious traditions have their own definitions, which government should leave alone. Civil marriages and civil unions have historically been the responsibility of the states, and I see no reason to change that.

Furthermore, I have generally opposed federal efforts to limit the benefits or protections which businesses or governments might extend to nontraditional families. In fact, I have cosponsored legislation to follow the lead of many businesses and some states by extending healthcare and other benefits to the domestic partners of federal employees.

As you know, H.R.Res. 56 would declare marriage to constitute only the union of a man and a woman. It would also prohibit state constitutions or laws from conferring marital status on same-sex couples. H.J. Res. 56 has been referred to the House Committee on Judiciary for consideration.

Thank you again for contacting me. Please continue to stay in touch on issues of concern.


Member of Congress

Saturday, January 17, 2004


Eh. I had to go home yesterday to get a new computer. (Don't be excited it was cast off from my parents' office.) Not so bad in and of itself, but I was woken up at 8 am by plumbers plumbing in my bathroom. Also not so bad in and of itself, but I was up til 4 after the Jett-Rink show.
So I had to drive home stinky and greasy. Then I had to have dinner with my parents in Hickory, where we promptly got in a debate/heated argument/shouting match over Paul O'Neill.
Then, getting home, the computer was all bitchy and refused to behave properly. Now I have to go home and call Verizon tech support and be treated like an imbecile... ("Is the unit plugged in, sir?")
Also, I woke up too late to shower before work, so I am again stinky and oily.


ANYWAY. Tonight is the Rosebuds, and Kate T is having a soiree beforehand. I'm bringing pie.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Dispatches from Work

On the way to work, there's a dead deer on the side of the road. It's been there since New Year's. Now, I hate deer, so I got a little guilty little pleasure in seeing it each day til I realized today it's only /half/ a deer.
Now I just wonder what happened to the other half.

Also, between the front door of my store and the timeclock, there's a little Order Information sheet with an abbreviation for the Ordering Procedure on it. The abbreviation: PONCE.
Every day as I clock in, I get called a ponce as I walk in. No wonder I love my job.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Today Did Not Suck...

The weather the last few days has been exactly what Winter ought to be but never is hereabouts: snow on the ground, very cold but bright, sunny and clear.
Today was the last of such days: it was clear and sunny, but much warmer, melting the snow.
Other than that, today went quite well. I met with one of my old professors today. We talked about the schools I want to go to, and how to apply -- like, what IS the purpose of Statements of Purpose. Turns out he knows the professors of one school I'm applying to and is happy to write letterS of recommendation. And look at my Statement. Whoot.
Then today at work they finally started the remodelling of our cafe that was supposed to have started in May. I did the majority of the prep work and was thanked by several levels of leadership. More whoot.
More excitingly, we made plans to have dessert and drinks and Kate T's house before the Rosebuds show Saturday night (I'm bringing a Key Lime Pie), and then I my Trivia Team volunteered to host Trivia Night next week. We discussing all manner of categories like Beer Slogans and Subtitles and a covers theme for the music ID. (Us here being me, Alicia, Keith, Forrest, Kate and Christina). So multiple whootage here.
AND Jett Rink plays Thursday night.

If it weren't for the last hour of today, when I was flaked out on multiple times, today would have totally rocked. I think I should just completely ditch Instant Messaging services.

Monday, January 12, 2004

I just saw 'Cold Mountian'. Here are some thoughts:

Charlie Hunnam is in it. Just when I was thinking "Now /there's/ a nice piece of ass" -- he gets his clothes blown off -- I realize he's been killed off. The pitfalls of Civil War dramas...

Kathy Baker was very, very good.

Nicole Kidman, as should be no surprise at all, uses an accent that would peel paint off a wall. Jude Law has virtually no accent at all, but to be fair, he can act. She can't. This seems a decent exchange. Oh wait. No it doesn't.

I exposed to Nicole Kidman's bosoms (amongst others) and in return I got a partial shot of Jude Law's ass. I think this underlies some of the basic themes of the film, the numbing effects of war, man's generally ugly nature, the lack of outside redemption for the soul. You get the picture.

It's been four years at least since I read the book, so I can't judge its transition from a novel into a film. (I know: Good Dramaturg, Jay!) However, it /is/ very well shot, and generally well acted (Amazonian Aussies Excepted) and in many cases very well acted. Well worth seeing.

Friday, January 02, 2004

J Is For JASON Who Drank Lye By Mistake...

The GashlyCrumb Tinies - You have a terribly wicked
sense of humour and people are drawn to your
wit. Children beware of the thin, pale man
with the black umbrella!

Which Edward Gorey Book Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, January 01, 2004


Tonight ruled.
I had a dinner party. I made Beef Bourgingon, Alicia (who brought her friend Kevin) brought this super-keen Pumpkin Eggnog Pie, Keith and Kate brought Super Spanish Spinach and much fine wine (almost better than we deserve, really); Amanda, Broccoli dip -- so, so good; Karen, lemon tart; and Jackie, pink champagne.

All the food was not just good. It was Damn Good.

Also, we opened a gift. I may just keep it. It was loved by all!

Then we went to K&K's and had a little Buffy Marathon. "The Pack" and "Halloween" for anyone keeping a record. We left after two to clean up and watch some more Extended Version Lord of the Rings Part 1 (My first rented DVD).
I'm off to do that now...

*sighs tiredly but very happily.
My friends rawk.