If you missed my radio show, You Are A Sucker!

It was officially my best ever. It made you shake your big ole butt, lie back in the summer sun, rock like a girly punk and croon along softly at 3 am in the rain.
I'm so posting the flowsheet when I get it back.
Course that takes THREE MONTHS!

I Forgot

So Laura is Officially the funniest person I know. She claims to have been very tired whilst watching Queer as Folk and I believe it. The distinctly graphic sex scenes apparently didn't phase her (yeah, like she's the only girl in the world who likes watching Gay Porno) but she made no real mention of them. What did she comment on, you may well ask:

Laura *watches the hott 15 year old try to score with an older guy*: Why doesn't he try to get boys his own age? He'll spend the rest of his life trying to do that.

Jay: *says nothing for 7 minutes because he's laughing so hard he gets oxygen starvation* He he... *gasp* He he... Oh wait. There was a Dr Who reference just then.

PS: Laura, the next episode, he gives a boy a handjob at school.

The only thing I don't like about that show is how much sex is going on. Specifically, these guys can't take a step without falling into some guy's mouth. Me, I can't pay people to get it. Maybe the blind thing will evince the odd pity fuck.

Hint, Hint

How to tell I'm not really listening.

Brian: So... I saw you at the show the other night.

Jay: Fine. How are you?

Brian: You really like them, right?

Jay: Oh, it was my friend Laura.

Brian: I SAID: You like them, right?

Jay: *very sweetly* You obviously have no sense of discretion or self-preservation or you'd have walked away by now.

Brian: *backs off slowly*

Yeah. I don't like being ditched AT ALL, yo.

PS: I made one tiny change to the site that cracks me up. Can you spot it?

Buy Some Violets, Guv?

I'm selling flowers on the corner of Rosemary and Cameron* because that's the traditional occupation of Blind People.
My poor eyes were burned out on my innocent perusal of Ms Laura Llew's site. Apparently, she went around taking pictures of some fat ugly boy and is claiming it's me. Bah! He DOES have some cute boots, though.

*No, this intersection technically doesn't exist since the roads run parallel, but it is mentioned in a cute Ben Folds Five song ("Kate" from Whatever and Ever Amen) so I'm going there.

Dammit, Yo.

SOMEONE had better confess this Miss Crush nonsense. It's driving me crazy. And not the cute, mumbles to self and rambles to others crazy, but the vicious sword weilding kind.

Nothing Much

Umm, Laura came to see the Delgadoes. They (both) rocked. We shamed a waiter. We ate pizza at Peppers. We laughed at Damooo.
Um, I'll talk about all this later, when I actually have a computer that works.
Also, I bought a really keen Delgadoes Baseball Tee.
Further, I bought Stars' (Star's? I'm not sure on this point) album Nightmusic, which contains my favourite ever cover of This Charming Man.
I'm illegally using the boss' (I am sure about that one) computer. Again. Which is a very bad idea. See here if you didn't get this poignant Sinister post vingette.
Okay. Work computer is funk-some. As opposed to funky. Go here instead: http://www.missprint.org/cgi-bin/anylistsearch.cgi?query=putney+common&list=sinister&smode=Phrase

His Eyelashes were the bars of a gilt cage

I'm reading Edith Wharton's The House of Mirth right now. It's great. My current financial and personal life make me keenly aware of what the heroine, Lily Bart is going through. We think very, very much alike and seem to have our emotions run parallel as well. Anyway, there's that for what it's worth.

And since Mark asked

This week's theme seems to be excessively nerdy Dr Who references and that's all the Putney Common thing is. BBC books -- well, their contracted author Paul Magrs -- have introduced this great new character over the past few years, called Iris Wildthyme. She's a bad parody of the Doctor. First of all, she was an old, fat whinging woman who wheezed around in a gin-soaked stupor lusting after the most current Doctor. (Not a difficult thing to understand). Then she changed into a Bond-esque, gold lame-catsuited blonde bomshell. She's always accompanied by very pretty, sexually ambivalent boys.

Anyway, her TARDIS is stuck in the form of a doubledecker Number 22 bus to Putney Common, as seen here. Note the presence of noted snappy dresser and great hero, Jon Pertwee also on the cover. Actually, this is a great book noteable for featuring deadly robotic sheep.

She's also in this book, The Blue Angel, and this book, Mad Dogs and Englishmen. The first has a very pretty glass boy on the cover and the latter is remarkable book, featuring giant talking poodles with ray guns, vicious parodies of George Lucas and J R R Tolkein and Noel Coward as the bad guy.
Seriously, you gots to look at these covers.

And, just for the record, here is a picture of Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor. He is cute.

Update, Part II

" You lucky thing, someone has voted for you in the
Sinister list crush you sexy devil! Now all you have to
do is register a crush with the same person and you find
out WHO and eternal bliss will be yours.

For details see:
http://www.missprint.org/sinister/crush.html

Miss Crush x "

This is someone's idea of a joke. Now, who did this and why?*


*If you actually have a real crush, you poor dear, I'd go out, buy a wild badger, name it "Jay" and give it a hug. Our reactions are virtually the same.

PS: Whoever is visitor 2500 (I'm on 2496 now, I think) gets a secret prize!

Update

*peeps out from under bed*
*turns on Storytelling album*
*fetches Dr Who: The Book of the Still**
*returns under bed*

*For anyone interested, I don't really have this book as I haven't had any new Dr Who book since LAST JUNE.

Also, I work everyday except Monday and Friday, 1 to 9.**

**One word, cheese boy: Email***

***Further proof that "de tongues of men be full of lies" [Henry V, Act V, scene ii]

Go Away!

I'm not blogging today because the world is big and mean and confusing and I am very small and all I want to do for the rest of forever is hide under my bed and read old Doctor Who books.

I Bump My Head When Worlds Collide

So, I'm slowly becoming quite depressed at a) having been unceremoniously dumped and unaware why, b) being extremely poor and broke and -- cocomittantly with b) -- c) missing Spoon Saturday night.* I have retreated into books: I'm currently readinf The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton, who may just be my favourite author and the first ever Dr Who missing adventure novel, Goth Opera (it's about vampires).
However, I laughed out loud, an extreme rarity of late, while reading the first chapter. The exchange of two vampires in Manchester looking for food:

Madeleine: I fancy someone famous. How do you think Morrissey's blood would taste?
Jake: Like Milky tea, love.

I further giggled when I say the novel was from 1994, the year a certain Minx once considered travelling back to and losing her virginity to Mr Milky Tea Blood.

I also remembered that a chapter in another Dr Who book was called "Hatful of Hollow". Nerdiness ends here.

Word of the Day: [Courtesy of The House of Mirth and especially for Ms Sarah] Benedick: a young Bachelor OR a recently married long-term bachelor, depending on your source. It either comes from Benedict from Shakespeare's play Much Ado About Nothing or it doesn't.
Ah, the vagarities of the English tongue.

Also, I'm considering becoming a Lesbian. I'm narrowing down my choice for a Life Partner. My current picks: Kristen Idleberry, Caitlin Pigtails, Laura Llew. Technically, I should pick Llew as we already ARE engaged. I got a dowry and everything.

And Just for a Minute, I Was Sure I Was Laura Llew

I went to court today. (I lost, for those of you into mere mundanities, if over $1,000 can reasonably be called a mundanity.) But oh! the people I saw!
It was in Hillsborough, the county seat for Orange County, where I used to live, (I live in Durham County now) which unlike Chapel Hill is amazingly like the rest of North Carolina. I got the courtroom very early, since I had no idea where it was and desperately wanted to be on time -- I had nightmares the night before of bench warrants and angry bailiffs and the Orange County Correctional Facility. I sat off to a corner by myself and amused myself quietly by listening to my prosecutors prepare their case.
So of course, Bubba and Tommy Joe in the requisite camoflage jacket, overalls and John Deere mesh caps (yes, I thought about stealing them, but only cause they bitched for about ten minutes that they couldn't wear them inside) sat down right in front of me.
To my great unhappiness, I never learned what their case was about, other than "just a feeble attempt at extorsion. They ain't got no proof. No Goddammed Proof." They talked very loudly, just short of a bellow, while the rest of us just whispered in the presence of Justice. They mocked their accusers loudly and then planned their revenge. "I'm gonna set up a pig sty right next t'thuh property line and they ain't nothing they can do, so long as I don't use them pigs for profits." "That's right, Bubba, long as it's on agricultural/residential land." "Yeah it is.They rezoned roundbout the time Ella passed on." "Yeah, yeah. I remeber to that now." And how he was going to rebuild some car engine that rattles windows and leave it on for hours.

Mine was the first trial, alas, and was done and over in 2 minutes. Judge: "Your defence, son?" Me: "Umm. I don't have one. I owe the..." Judge: "Judgement for planitiff. Next." I promptly worked out a repayment schedule with the lawyer and went home for a nap, so I never heard the trial of Bubba and Tommy Joe, and man! I am kicking myself. You can't buy entertainment like that.

"But if they don;t see the quality then it is apparent that you're going to have to change or you're going to have to go with girls. You'd be better off..."

I hate boys. I thought I met a really, really nice one recently, but it was All Lies. I got ditched two nights in a row and then he didn't call the night before my trial when I really needed him to. I'm thinking of joining a charterhouse. In the mean time, I'll satisfy myself by being bitchy to Brian, the boy whereof I speak.

And quickly, as I'm late back to work...

I finished Thus Was Adonis Murdered (great!) and am now almost done with The Highest Science. I start The House of Mirth tonight.
Dr Who of the Day: Frontios.
I don't know what's up with my internet connection. I hope it gets to working soon.

My Apologies

Nothing interesting has happened to me lately. I've finished up the moving process and gone to work.
I won $10 by being the cafe employee of the month.
I go to the optometrist tomorrow.
Whee.

(My radio show is still Fridays, 8 to 10 am, GMT. PLEASE listen and call in or email.)

My Mind Is In The Gutter, Or At Least On The Loading Dock

I've noticed in the past two or three days there are lots of cool places in my store to make out on the down-low, yo.
I also know exactly why I've noticed.

Low-key Hokey

Not completely unrelated to the above post, there are SO many cute boys who work in (well, one) or come to (lots and lots) my store. I coined the above term as I was silently drooling over this adorable guy I delivered coffee to (dark curly hair! glasses!), trying to keep from exclaiming "Oh my hokey*" at the top of my voice and thinking "Be low-key, yo**."


Teething Troubles

So I moved yesterday. And wasn't it fun?
No.
The Major all but killed my bed (My bed, o sweet refuge! How I love it!). And this was the least of the day's trauma. I'm about to be swallowed by all my crap and just short of repenting of all worldly goods except Indie Pop vinyl and Doctor Who novels from 1977.
The biggest pain is no Internet connection. I'm hoping to fetch one Friday, when I get paid an can a) pay off my checking account overdraft so as to b) use my Visa-endorsed check card to get an ISP.
This means short blogging from work. See also above.

Quote of the Day: Brian: "Who needs Four copies of Wuthering Heights?"
Me: "Well, there are some pages stuck together in the Heathcliff descriptions."

*Indicates possible Llew over-exposure
**Yeah, I really do think "yo" in my head. Sad, isn't it?

I Want A Chapter In My Town

One of the things that makes Cat and Girl so cool is the whole concept of Hipster Scouts*.

This is their sash. It is cool. I'm drafting IGP into the Hipster Scouts so I can have a friend in them.

*I am at work and my [illegally downloaded] copy of thew Hipster Scout toon is on my computer at home. It will be posted.

In other news, Cursive tonight, Of Montreal and the Sames tomorrow night. Yip.
Also, I am grossly unprepared to move tomorrow.

Sigh

One day, I will go out with a boy on a first date and we will have a wonderful time and he will kiss me at the end of the night.
Yeah. It'll happen.

I said "WHAT?"

Last night, despite feeling ill, I went to a show a Go! Studios. I was supposed to meet a boy there. He didn't show up but I knew enought people there to have fun. But Go! is tiny and I forgot earplugs and, coupled with stopped-up ears from my plague, shouting "WHAT? I CAN"T HEAR YOU!" has been the order of the day.

The Show

It was started by Kill Rock Stars group The Quails from San Fransisco. They were quite good, in a girly/shouty/Sleater-Kinney way. Vocals were split between to the two girls who shouted their stuff with gusto. Umm, I didn't see the whole set (fashionably late, you see) but I liked them. I'll play them on my show. Actually, what was best about them was this: I didn't /know/ I wanted to hear something that rocked that hard, but I did. It was exactly right for what I needed.

The next act was called Hella. They were also from California, from Sacramento.They're also on Kill Rock Stars (as are, oh... Bikini Kill, Sleater-Kinney, Mary Lou Lord and Xiu Xiu). I didn't care for them. They were two guys -- guitar and drum. No lyrics, not much melody. The technique was incredible, granted, I mean these boys can play, but it was like pieces from an exercise book. There was nothing to like, really, and nothing to do but marvel at their skill. But like poor Baroque composers, that's all you noticed. No soul.
I did notice the crowd during their set. There were maybe three or four dozen people there, all decked out in IndieCool clothes. I was intrigued by the girl in the plaid skirt and cardigan in front of me. She had perfect Indie hair. There was also the boy I dubbed "Stephen Patrick Morrissey, aged 19, is alive and well and living in Ornage County." There were the very dull dykey lesbians with mullets and flannel shirts, the cute boy working the door (and I do mean Working the door), Viva (who Doesn't Know Me*), Kate, IGP's roommate and the Quiet Dude who leaned in the corner and didn't say a word. What amused me most was Jay's Rule No 3: there are no average-height Indie Kids. All the short people were in the front and the tall people (Viva most noteably) in the back, all arranged very sweetly.

The Aistlers Set was the headliners, so they went last. They rock. Hard. Two guitars, bass, keyboard (swoon) and drum kit, with glockenspiel and trumpet thrown in. Amy, one of the guitarists, played trumpet and guitar at the same time, which I thought was impressive. I once proclaimed them "Pure poppy goodness" on air and it's true, although as per their site I should thrown in "post-punk" as well. Everyone bopped; everyone danced; everyone had a good time. It was fun. They played new stuff. They played old stuff. The girls cracked each other up. At one point Jen told Amy "You're so cute tonight!" It was sweet.
(I talked to Jen in between sets, before I knew she was in the band. She was gear!)

Book of the Day: I finished Cold Fusion. They killed the Patient. I was shocked. (It's hinted she was the Doctor's wife, you see.) The destruction at the end was amazing. A whole fleet blown up.
The characterization remained great, each Doctor doing his typical thing. Doctor 5 is worried about the Patient and her TARDIS; Doctor 7 about an alternative race of Time Lords and their entire Universe. And in so doing, mucking up each other's plans. There was great tension when the Doctors met, since the Fifth is the Quintessential Nice Guy (he wears a cricketing costume, for Christ's sake) and the Seventh is an evil plotter. The ending is apropos: Forrester, the 7th Doctor's companion, decks the younger Doctor into amesia.
Anyway, it was interesting to see how the violence that surrounds the Doctor and often is ignored is highlighted with a single shot.

Dr Who of the Day: A t-shirt! At work! Like a really old one: it had the old diamong logo (pre-1979) and was distressed and perfect! On a girl! Red shirt, yellow silk screening! I asked her how she got it (gift years ago from her father) cause I SO wanted to buy it. Off her. Right then. But I didn't cause I was broke.
Le sigh.

Word of the Day: "Beraht" It's an Anglo-Saxon word that means umm, sort of 'bright and shining or notable'. It's a particles that goes to make up lots of names: Albert, Cuthbert, Dogbert, Egbert, Filbert, Gilbert, Herbert, Norbert, Robert were the ones I could up with quickly.
What's your name mean, then?

This post brought to you by: "Owls Go" by Architecture in Helsinki. An Australian band that Phil the World Traveller sent me. It's actually a bit Aislers Set-y and B&S-y. I am in love. Wanna hear? I'll be playing them soon on air, but I've got two mp3s for you, if you want.
Dude, Ask for it!

I'm Sick Dammit!
Or, no jaunty headlines here

Euch.
I'm sick. I haven't slept properly in two nights. I'm all achey and tired and bitchy. And every time I cough, it feels like my head is going to explode. I turn into a baby when I'm sick. I really want somebody to take care of me, bring me soup and powerful cold medicines. Or least just to cuddle a bit with.

New Links
Patrick left a comment the other day. I think it was his subtle attempt at saying "Hey! Go look at my site!" I'll save him the trouble: Hey! Go and look at his site!
You really should. He's a photographer with some really nice work on his site.Well, as much as I know about photography, I think so. It's like dance or painting or any other art I can't do: I admire it to distraction, but can't comment terribly well. Also, his domain name is from a great Belle and Sebastian EP 3... 6... 9.. Seconds of Light (It has my favourite line in B&S, from "Put the Book Back on the Shelf" -- "Sebastian, you're in a mess, you had a dream they called you the King of all the Hipsters. Is it true or are you still the queen?"* -- AND the song "La Pastie de le Bourgeosie"). He also has the ending .tk, the first I've seen. Very cool.

New blogs: Ulla's, Feather Boa's and Damon's.
Ulla does pictures for her posts. They're entrancing (the Pocketbook Angel is one of hers as is the image of Llew at her site). They have an initial simplicity that gives away to a really remarkable complexity. It's something in the shading, I think, and how the line drawings engage the memory. Pretentious sounding, I know, but I think the simplicity here is similar to some line drawings in modern art (Think Pollack or Giacometti).

Feather Boa is a York Sinister girl. She asked me questions about Theatre. This means I love her. Also, the first time I saw a Weather Pixies was on her site. I also am given to understand she's /very/ hot**.

Damon is a local boy who literally lives down the street. He's very political and has a lot of links to different news sources and does a lot of thinking about the war. He eats a lot of cheese.

A Few Random Links

I've been meaning to post this for several weeks:
The history of a madman. This is a site that shows how an artist fell into schizophrenia. It has portraits he did of his cat as his disease progressed. I don't know what it means, but the last ones I find absolutely mesmerizing.

The Lord's Prayer in Ebonics , in Klingon and Elvish.
Also, in languages I'd like to know: Provencal, Romantsch, Frisian
and Gothic.

Engrish: what more do I need to say?

Book of the Day: Cold Fusion. A Dr Who book. I stopped reading Thus Was Adonis Murdered half way through because I was filled with the desire to read this book. I don't know why. It's good though: the 5th Doctor meets the 7th. Written by Lance Parkin, so you know it's good. The characterization is spot on, and the plot is complex and believable. It makes the best of the novel form by having things the TV series could never do, like fleets of Adjudicator ships (space police of the future) and an ice planet setting. That works very well. Everything there is frigid and that comes across.And then there's the Patient (geddit: Doctor and his Patient?), and interesting relationship that is very fuzzily defined.

Word of the day: Fucknozzles. A Will Porter-ism, I admit, but the single most satisfying curse I;ve heard in a while. It's fulfilling just to say: lots of consonants and enough syllables to get really invested in saying it.Say it over and feel the release! I may name my first child "Fucknozzle".

Reason Laura Llew rocks: The Cat Mask. Oh yeah. Vinyl and Llew = a match made in heaven.

This post brought to you by: The Aislers Set. They play here tomorrow night. Duncan Sheik plays Wednesday. WXYC 80s party Saturday night. Oh yeah.

Exterminez-Vous! Exterminez-Vous!

So, I downloaded this hysterical bit from Kazaa. It's a comedian (Billy Bragg, maybe?) talkign about Doctor Who. The first half is him describing with his keyboard an old episode, and how one man did all the sounds and music, amd how terrifying it was for a little kid back in the day. Now, this is funny stuff and very clever -- it's accurate, which is the best stuff.
But then! He says, "But when I listen to it now... It sounds like 60s Belgian Jazz." Then he does a version of the theme song in this grand 60s Sergio Mendes/Serge Gainsbourg manner with this HYSTERICAL voice over! "C'est lui... en la nuit... Docteur... Qui! Il voyage en la TARDIS, le boit de phone... L'enemie s'appelle Davros! Il est demi-dalek et demi-homme! Fantastique! Il veux controller le monde! Controller le monde! Toujours controller le monde! Aupres petit dejeuner controller le monde! Mais... il n'est pas realistique!"
Man, just ask and I'd love to send it to you!

Also, I move on Saturday. Yay!

*There's a story, all right. Yes indeed. But later. Another post.

**Source wishes to remain anonymous

If I Cry to Set the Mood, Oh Please Would You Cry Too?

Don't be ridiculous. Of course you won't. My old books and my obscure music don't matter much to anyone.
No one cares about what I do anymore, the relique of an age that never was.

Today was no better.
I heard "Long December" by the Counting Crows today at work. I hate them, but the song expresses how I feel, worn out and past care. I can't even find a way to properly describe how I feel. I just... don't feel anything right now. I don't want to do anything or talk to anyone or do much else but sleep. There was a party tonight, people from work, and lots of people asked if I was going. I didn't. I don't want to drive there, I don't want to drink, I don't feel like having fun.
It could be worse. I could be on a crying jag. Not that I can remember the last time I cried about anything.

I cut my finger yesterday quite badly. I was cutting lemons. I sliced into my finger at an angle. It's maybe 1/2 inch long and 3/4 inch deep. It's open and gross and will take forever to heal.

There are two new links up for those who are interested, to Kevin Jackflap's and Damon's blogs. They are both quite nice. I'll mention them later, I hope.

The Pastels were recommended to me recently (see below) by Kristin Idleberry. I wasn't going to listen to them at all, because someone was making me a mix CD of them. I gave up on that and played them on my show. They rock AND the boy is cute. I'll listen to more of that, oh yes.
I wanted to say that since I'd not responded at all to that comment.

I can't think of anything else to say.

I've just realized I've done a crap job of blogging lately.
I suck.

I've spent the last few nights talking to someone til very late which explains a bit.
I've also been working day after day (I'm on Day 6 of 9 consecutives ones. I loathe my crappy dead-end job right now) which explains a bit.
But mostly, I've just been despondant and apathetic: I'm morbidly depressed but can't be arsed to /do/ anything about it.
I should be writing and should be reading.
All I do is sleep and work. I've even stopped eating properly (Since Yo La Tengo my solid food has been: three bites of cauliflower, a beef and bean burrito, egg and sausage and, tonight, corned beef and cabbage) since I drink three lattes a day and the caffiene destroys my appetite. Conveniently,. I *am* losing weight.

I have links to post.
I have songs to discuss.
I have poems to put up.

But...
I'm just not in the mood tonight.
I thinkI'll just sigh and go to bed.

Eighteen Dead in Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster

Carrboro

Eighteen young people are dead tonight after a riot at local live music venue, the Cat's Cradle. The event is a bizzarre real-life version of an event described in the online parody newspaper, The Onion.

The riot started when Laura Llew*, 25, of Western North Carolina, was interrupted while tinkering with sound equipment. Llew was removing connecting wires from their jacks when she was approached by the technician.

Nonplussed, she took up an aluminium crutch used by another patron and started swinging. She may also have been provoked by an unidentified Emo girl who stepped on her.

"It was real weird. She was all curled up and quiet when Bam! She took to swingin. She hit me right in th' mouth. It hurt real bad," said another victim, a blonde girl in a denim jacket who asked to remain anonymous.

Reports have Llew masochistically screaming "Spit on me. Spit on me!" It appears nobody did.

The violence accelerated soon after. Six people were killed and 2 dozen people recieved minor injuries from flying beer bottles and cigarette burns. Members of the band cowered in a corner of the stage. They remained unhurt.

Twelve victims were killed in a stampede for the door, as has happened twice recently in clubs in Chicago and Rhode Island. "I hate to see so many young people killed for no real reason" said Curtis McClintock, a Carrboro police officer who was on the scene. "It was just unreal what happened. Blood everywhere. Lot of ruined vintage clothes."

In a gruesome twist, Llew appeared to have stolen the clothes from at least one victim. Charles Levier, 19 of Maston Grove, IL, was found without his frame glasses. Witnesses recall Llew pointing to him earlier in the night.

Police are still looking for Llew as of press time. Also wanted for questioning is Jason Eckard, 24, of 501 Jones Ferry Rd, who may have also been a participant.

Club owners have already started rebuilding. They hope to be open for a show by the Delgadoes late next month.

A spokesman for Yo La Tengo has said the band is "Shocked and appalled such a thing would happen at their concert. They grieve with the families of the deceased and pray for the injured. They will continue on their tour, but 'Autumn Sweater' [the song played when the riot began] will not be played again."

Yo La Tengo has a new album to be released next month.

*A known alias