J Is For JASON Who Drank Lye By Mistake...


The GashlyCrumb Tinies - You have a terribly wicked
sense of humour and people are drawn to your
wit. Children beware of the thin, pale man
with the black umbrella!


Which Edward Gorey Book Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!

Tonight ruled.
I had a dinner party. I made Beef Bourgingon, Alicia (who brought her friend Kevin) brought this super-keen Pumpkin Eggnog Pie, Keith and Kate brought Super Spanish Spinach and much fine wine (almost better than we deserve, really); Amanda, Broccoli dip -- so, so good; Karen, lemon tart; and Jackie, pink champagne.

All the food was not just good. It was Damn Good.

Also, we opened a gift. I may just keep it. It was loved by all!

Then we went to K&K's and had a little Buffy Marathon. "The Pack" and "Halloween" for anyone keeping a record. We left after two to clean up and watch some more Extended Version Lord of the Rings Part 1 (My first rented DVD).
I'm off to do that now...

*sighs tiredly but very happily.
My friends rawk.

Whoot!

Christmas. Rocked.
My parents -- god knows /why/ since I've spouted off that I hate them for at least a decade -- got me a cell phone. I now love it and am looking for ways to make it ring to the tune of Judy and The Dream of Horses.
I also got Lazy Line Painter Jane on 12" vinyl.

And then I bought myself a (VERY cheap and likely to explode) DVD player, though I only have a Jeff Buckley in performance disk and this odd DVD about the Kennedy Assination (a gift).

And New Years is this week.

Rock.

PS: For god's sake, somebody comment on something!
PPS: Take my newly revised Friend Test!

Attention:

The little circle things on the back of this DVD player are Pokey Thingies.
They are very important.

Carry on.

Do you just love these quizzes? If you had an online journal or diary, would you eschew actual content for more and more of these cute little graphics?


Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

You can laugh at the silly superstitions of the religious, safe in the knowledge that we are only dust and lies. All that will be left of you after you die is a slow decay and some fading memories in the minds of your friends. Hope you're enjoying your life at the moment- there's nothing better to come.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Harry Wack.
What's yours?
Powered by Rum and Monkey.

My Mormon name is Jae LeRoi Byard!
What's yours?

Reason I Love Chapel Hill #450781

A conversation without words, set to the tune of "You Are a Ghost" by the Sames played Real Loud.

Go! Attendent: *holds up sign that says "$7"
Me: *nods head 'no'
Go! Dude: *points to The List
Me: *shakes head yes
Go! Dude: *points to my name
Me: *shakes head yes
Go! Dude: *thumbs me in

Jett Rink was so, so good Friday night. I can't say more than that.

"This Picture Rules More Than Anything Else Ever Has"

Here

NOW it Works. I See How It Is!

Stupid Blogger not stupid working last night!
Anyway, Monday was Eric's birthday! Go send him belated greetings. I got to talk to him twice: once on AOL and once on the phone. It seems he had a good birthday.
He got Chinese Food and a Chocolate Peanutbutter Cake to eat.

(In comparison, I got... Oh. I got a dinner at 'The Texas Roadhouse' in Hickory where the waitress messed up every course of my dinner -- notably I got a House Green Salad with Ceasar dressing. "Why would I order a green salad with Ceasar dressing?" "You did!" "I didn't. I ordered a Ceasar salad." "Oh. Yeah. I got the Ceasar part right, though!")

Anyway, I'm coming up with a brilliant idea for his birthday/Christmas present since I was broke (and still am) for the day itself.

Today was my day off and I did /nothing/. Well, not nothing. Read. Talked in #sinister. Watched TV. But it was my first day off in over a week, so I guess I'm allowed.
I also found out last night that my Dr Who article (or the first part thereof) had been published in Friends of the Heroes -- link is to the left -- which I was pretty sure didn't accept it. So now I have to come up with the next 1,000 words. But this is always a pretty good impetus to spend time every day writing again, as is the fact that 15 pages or so of a play I had written have disappeared. :(
Hell, I also need to be doing more research for Waiting for Godot and filling out Financial Aid forms.

Hmmm. Me = slack.

A Dullish Day

Unlike Miss Laura Llew, I hardly ever have witty repartee or sexual hijinks in my work day to discuss. After going in on my day off yesterday and working an extra two hours today to cover a co-worker in the midst of a post-breakup pyschofunk, all I have to quote is this about seeing regular customer outside of work [and not being recognized]:

"If some coked-up Soccer Mommy doesn't know where her daily latte comes from, then scew her!"

Do I need to say it was me saying that?

Other than that, it was Trivia Night (Reptiles, Cult TV and Explorers were the categories and Opera was the Music ID). There weren't very many people there, and other than the delightful company -- Christina, Alicia, Keith, Kate --it wasn't very interesting.
From now on, I'm calling Alicia "Dink", as in the Bond Girl.
We came in second.
[Although, in his frock coat and ugly waistcoat, Jeremy the Skanky Bi Host looked like a... well, needlessly skanky version of Patrick Troughton as Dr Who.]

To make up for a dullish post, you can always go here and rent Lichtenstien. Yes, for real. And yes, the whole country.

Ahh!

Just in case it's not up when you read this, the Google Banner ad above read thus:

"Search: Beefcake | Additional Search: Belle and Sebastian"

Wow. A succinct and interesting comment on my life, no?

Work is Weird, Part II
Or, Actual Customer Conversation

A guy walks up to me today. Imagine him as a frat-boy hipster poseur: trucker cap a few months too late, Gap clothes attempting to look chairty shop cool, the irrevocable stains of Dave Matthews on his taste... Did I mention he was so stoned he could barely walk?

Frat Guy: I know you...
Me: I don't think so.
FG: Yeah... You go out with that hot chick.
Me: I'm pretty sure you're thinking of someone else.
FG: You were at... the show. Yeah, the one, you know. You were... like, both wearing hats.
Me: stares at him
FG: She's hot, man.. Like... (laughs) Hott.
exit Frat Guy

I *think* he means the Manitoba/Broadcast show and I *think* he means Alicia, as we both wore hats to that show. But by that same logic, I also go out with Bendte, Viva, Forrest and Casey Burns, who were all within three feet of me.
I now have images of the Chapel Hill's hippest orgy...

Also at work, someone in another department attempted to steal our "Order Specialty Drinks at Cashier" sign. Now, I love this sign with a deep passion, because when people bark orders at me, I smile sweetly, point to the sign in front of their face and say "I'm sorry. You need to WAIT YOUR TURN and ORDER AT THE CASHIER. Thanks!"
Without this sign, my little coffee shop would desend into Chaos not seen since the first milliseconds after the Big Bang.
And she just walks over and tries to take it away. No "Do you mind if..." or "Can I take this...". I tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen, so I called in the store manager.
Of course, then we all had to discuss the situation and reach a Whole Foods-y compromise. But I kept the sign up with the important bits on.
Damn straight, Bitch! You don't mess with my sign!

I mentioned earlier my Excellent Mixtape for my trip to Deleware. It went like this...

"Radio" by Pitty Sing, from the s/t EP
"The Boy With the Thorn in His Side" by Bis from The Smiths is Dead Comp
"Electric Version" by the New Pornographers from The Electric Version
"T-Shirt Weather" by the Lucksmiths (illegaly downloaded)
"Take Ecstasy with Me" by the Magnetic Fields, sung by Claudia and not
Stephin, also illegally downloaded
"NYC" from the Interpol album Turn On The Bright Lights
"The Late Great Cassiopiea"by the Essex Green from The Long Goodbye
"Happy Noodle Versus Sad Noodle" By Logan Whitehurst and the Jr Science
Club from the disc Goodbye, My 4-Track

Side II
"The Eccentric Dr Who" by Malcolm Lockyear ans His Orchestra, from the
album Who's Dr Who
"I'd Feel Better" by the Rosebuds from the Merge Comp Survive and Advance
Vol II
"If She Wants Me" by Belle and Sebastian from Dear Catastrophe Waitress
"Yes Sir, Yes Way" by Des Ark from Pox World Empires's Compulation Comp
A song from Pig Lib from Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks
"Arigoto We Love You" from the Pizzicato 5
"Candy Pants" from the Jett-Rink album

S'up?

Today is my day off and as a) I am sick and b) I have no money you can expect a largish post. I took my car to the mechanic today for an estimate -- one $200 job and another $800 one -- and have slept most of the rest of the day.

"Are You Italian? 'Cause I Have an Uncle named Jay, and he's Italian!"

I have been taken to task by a small dog for not talking about Thanksgiving. I went to Laura's. Traffic was awful -- the four hour drive took six and a half -- but there was plenty of Christian talk to go around, even if the mix tape I specially made sucked.

Then we tripped back to her graciously appointed flat, where her dog was so overcome with lust for me she started to hump the air in a most unlady like fashion. It was freaky, and not in the She's-a-very-special-girl-the-kind-you-don't-take-home-to-Mother kind of freaky. (Later, she also attempted to give me a blowjob...)

Acts of Bestiality aside, we were busy little bees making all kinds of dessert: Pumpkin-Carrot Cake, Pecan Pie, Key Lime Pie, a pumpkin-cream cheese jelly roll and a mysterious but tasty thing called Frog-Eyed Salad. In the middle, we watched the film Willow, went to a store where a guy named Martini allegedly works and wherein a humpbacked fanatic with wild hair scared us, and went to a Bojangles with no food -- "We haven't got any fried chicken." "Okay, I'll have a ham biscuit." "No biscuits." "Fries*?" "No." "I think we'll go to a place with /food/ now..."

Then we went up to Laura's parents' house, where all manner of relations were watching the (football) fields by night. Now, Llew's parents and grandmother were terribly charming but other less attached relations were a bit odd -- smashing wine bottles and such, and sending us off to Bi-Lo** to exchange them. Her aunt uttered the above line when I told her the Frog Eyed Salad has acini de pepe pasta in it. I don't know what it is, either, but I can pronounce it.
I ate lots and lots of food -- Ham! They had Ham! Ham! Pig meat! Ham!! The first I'd had in years! -- and then played with two Labrador puppies named Bear and Meg. I like puppies. Espcecially Lab puppies that are oh-so-dopey and playful.

Then we watched Igby Goes Down, sort of a modern-day Catcher in the Rye but with sex, and Ryan Phillipe with all his clothes on (the point? The Point?). Then I drove home the next day, complete with a plate of left over that made it maybe 8 hours.

(That was also payday so I bought a Lucksmiths EP -- Midweek, Mid Morning -- and a Dr Who book called History 101, about the Spanish Civil War and perception of reality, oh so good).

I also went to the Park and I climbed a tree! We also went out with his cousin to an all-night diner that allowed smoking and we smoked and drank coffee for six hours. Very cool.
I bought two Dr Who books there (The Last Resort and Reckless Engineering) that they don't have here.**

Busy Day at Work

The other day at work (Wednesday), we had: a fire drill, a man fall down and hurt himself badly, a company Big-Wig come through AND a little Mexican midget come through.
I got complimented on my drink menu by said Big-Wig: We have my 9-spice apple cider (It has cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, cardamom, aniseed, gumbo file, juniper berries, white pepper and carraway seeds. And yes, I know that's 11 things but I refuse to tell them at work what's in it and that's part of the secret.), Cranberry Gluvine (cranberry juice steamed with mulling spices, ginger, and lemon), Pumpkin Juice (Pumpkin, milk and spices, blended togethered and steamed hot) and weekly specials. This week is a hot chocolate with gingerbread and frosted mint. Sounds vile, but the first sensation is of chocolate and gingerbread, but then the gingerbread fades away you get an aftertaste of Andes mint.

I imagine that's all the things I meant to write about. Tonight is Friday, so I get some Wendys food! Yay!

*Bojangles fries have crack in them, like MacDonald's Chicken McNuggets.

**If you're keeping count, I have 8 new Dr Who books, two at the bookstore I can't afford to get right now and another one on order. But remember, I haven't had any new ones for over a year and a half!

Work Is Weird...

Today at work, our conversation varied from penis tricks: "I used to make my boyfriend's cock sing by playing around with his foreskin," and "I used to turn it into a a little pig snout and make it sniff around!"* and personal tales of Female Ejaculation** to serious discussion about colour perception being influenced by language, with references to historical linguistics, Isaac Newton and evolution to the Normalization effects of marriage on the gay self-identity.

This is of course when we CAN talk. Unlike Sunday, when all four coffee machines died and the coffee shop had no actual coffee. I lost count after making 15 Americanos, 32 lattes and 16 mochas with an hour.

And yes, I did go to Delaware and to Asheville, but I'm not blogging about that from work...

*No, neither of these was me. They just seem like way silly things to do.
**Ew ew ew. Just /writing/ that is gross beyond belief.

[b]"Lord, Let Me Meet a Jew!"[/b]

So, my favourite part of long cat trips is Christian Talk radio.
On "Unshackled: True Stories of Christ's Impact on Sinner's Lives" there was a dull story about a college athlete who Gasp! smoked dope. When he inevitably found Jesus, he learned Jesus was a jew and prayed these words.
Needless to say, he met one in the next act. I laughed from DC to Baltimore on that one.

In other news, the Christian Right is attacking Abercrombie and Fitch -- Eric's computer won't let me make links here but you can go to http://www.americandecency.org/a&ffall03.htm and http://www.abercrombie.com/anf/lifestyles/html/photos.html#, respectively. A&F's site is regrettably lacking in nude beefcake, but apparently the new catalog isn't.
The Church seems to be uspet that teens are having sex. Hunh. Who knew?
Amusingly, they seem oblivious to the strong homoerotic content of the whole thing, which is funny because their ire over wanton sex seems to momentarily conquered their existenstial anathema to Gay Marriage*.

The upshot: I'm buying Eric's 17 year old brother a copy and telling him never, ever to miss the chance to go to an orgy.

Music: Whoo-hoo! They had the Franz Ferdinand EP here, so I've been listening to that.

*Gay Marriage: Allowing ugly lesbians and their cats to live exactly the same as they've always done.

"I'll have a Laura Llew, please. With soy."

I should have mentioned this earlier, but this week's drink special is called "The Laura Llew." It's hot chocolate with shots of gingerbread and cinnamon. All week long, people have walked up and said "I want Laura Llews to go" and I think, "Don't we all, buddy..."

I'm away to Delaware for the weekend, where I plan to do as little as possible. (Although I will miss the Azure Ray show and Trivia Night.) Speaking of which, we've won Trivia Night two weeks in a row, rocking such categories as "Birds", "Dog Breeds in Film" and "Cartoon ID."

I got my application pack from Hunter College, the only actual paper application I'll be doing. It's sitting very solidly and intimidatingly on my dresser.

Also, with my paycheck, I bought a virtual slew of Dr Who books that have, at last, gotten into the country: The Suns of Caresh, Colony of Lies, Emotional Chemistry, The Crooked World, Timeless and Camera Obscura.

I was up last night til 1.30 and was at work by 6 am. On the plus side I made an excellent mix tape for the trip, made even better by the fact I have little recollection of the second side.
Teaser: Side one -- "Radio" by Pitty Sing, "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side" by Bis, "Laws have Changed" by the New Pornographers.

Ack. I have go back to work now.

Doo doo da Doo

So, not much happened today. The most interesting thing was mooching around imdb.com and tvtome.com, looking up obscure shows -- Come Back, Mrs Noah, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors, It's A Living, The Tripods, etc.

But tomorrow is payday, when I will buy 4 (Four!) new Dr Who books, eat Chinese food and see the new Matrix movie.

Other than that, life has been oddish of late. Lots of ups and downs.
Ups:
I have decided on the three/four graduate schools I'm applying for: Glasgow University (first choice), Brooklyn University, and Hunter College (both CUNY schools). If I feel ambitious, I may apply again to Yale, but I rather doubt I will. I did find out, though, that apparently no-one gets into the School of Drama their first time -- Thanks folks, for mentioning that before...
I have nigh-employment in my chosen field. I'll be working on productions with two local theater groups on productions of Waiting for Godot and Via Dolorosa. Not that I'll be paid. But still -- experience for the above apps. I also will be working with the Duke University New Works Festival, doing almost exactly what I did in school with my Studio II program.

Work is going well -- I can balance all this new stuff, I think, with a full time job. And we've finally started the weekly drink special (This week, the Belle and Sebastian, a mocha with Irish Creme and Frosted Mint: Oh so good and the Gentle Wave, the same without espresso) and all my new Fall Drinks (Cider, homemade Chai, Pumpkin Juice and Cranberry Gluvine).
I may get a job reviewing music for another online magazine called Dusted.

Thanksgiving in the Mountians with Laura!


Downs:
My car ran into a tree. This did little damage to my car (a small crack in the bumper) but I had to call AAA to tow it out of a ditch.

I got a ticket for running a stop sign and have to pay for it.

Also, growing paranoia about applying for school (Can I get in?! How will I pay?! Help me out, here people!).

Work sucks. Ony stupid people come in and I work with yutzes. Not strictly true, granted, but it can feel that way most of the time.

I am still poor, poor, poor. My parents are harrassing me about being a teacher -- Yes, more hours, lower pay and no insurance will of course turn my life around more than going back to school -- or a minister (they'll never, ever let that one die). But I won't see them again for a while. We quarrelled.

I saw Belle and Sebastian. I interviewed Richard Colburn -- you can check it out at friendsoftheheroes.co.uk -- it's keen.

So that, in a nutshell has been the last few weeks.
Go to #sinister!

Book of the Day: Dr Who -- The Colony of Lies; The Dream Cycle of H P Lovecraft; Mason and Dixon

Word of the day: morganatic marriage -- a marriage of a commoner to a noble, where the spouse nor any offspring recieve title or nobility

Dr Who of the Day: Paradise Towers, part 1. Woo-hoo for the Who of the late 80s! An apartment complex in space, people by lesbian gangs, cannibalistic senior citizens and Pythonesque caretakers. Richard Briers (Goode Neighbours) is the Hitler-esque leader in a HUGE army hat. The sets are a bit naff -- a completely in-studio piece -- and Slyvester in his second story is just getting the hang of his Doctor.

This post brought to you by: Al Jolson and Cab Calloway, I Love to Sing-a!; the theme song to Fraggle Rock and Small Wonder.

Yipes!

It's been a while. Stuff has happened. Unfortunately, I'm very sleepy right now(unusual for any time before 4 am).
I will leave you with three worthwhile links: Here*, Here** and Here***.

*Good, clean fun. Well okay, not clean. Sweaty boys aren't clean.

**These ones are clean. Very clean.

***And this is for those who want good, clean fun in another fashion.

Reason Laura Llew rocks: Who else could find Religious Porn?

Book(s) of the Day: Dr Who -- The Colony of Lies, The Dream Cycle of H P Lovecraft, Mason and Dixon

Word of the day: Balilwick -- one's area of authority or expertise, from the old term for a Bailiff's jurisdiction

The Post Brought to you by: TWATTYBUS, Pitty Sing (s/t debut)

Breathe. Slowly and Regularly.

Okay, so my car didn't start tonight when I went to go to the WYXC 80s Dance.
Okay, so I (apparently) knocked the car out of gear getting out.
Okay, so the little red car coasted across the street and into the neighbour's yard and got stuck on the wrong side of a little ditch after we went back inside.
Okay, so I look like the town drunk.

Okay, so I have no money to repair any damage done to anything, even of no damage appears to have been wreaked.

I will not freak out. I will not freak out. I will not...
Fuck it.

*Screams

Never a Good Idea

Vodka and Friendster.

I suppose as I don't have anyone whom I'd drink and dial, I turn to Friendster, looking up odd people and writing stupid messages.

Viz: I have messages from three people (one high school, one college, one post-collegiate) that I seemed to have written a message to.

Fortunately, either my computer or the Friendster site is acting up because while I got the Notification email, I can't actually access the messages. Which means I'm trapped between my curiousity and my vanity.

In other news, I subbed in for someone at the radio station for an 8 to 10 pm shift. Two people have said "I knew it was you when you messed up."
I'm not sure how to take that one.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig
or, The Long Road Home

I'm back. A day late.
My car died, you see, just outside Baltimore. I dunno the town named, but it was on Highway 175 East, off I-95. I stopped for gas, and my car (ailing now for some weeks) decided not to start again. And I had no money.
I futzed with it for over an hour and then gave up .

Well, he took me back to his house, fed me and put me to bed and then today took me back. The car works now (apparently), but I had no money for gas, so I literally drifted back into town on fumes. Getting to work tomorrow will be fun. Work itself will be fun, since I missed a whole day. I just hope they believe it since they knew I was going away with my boyfriend.

So, other than that I had a fine time! The majority of the time was spent sitting around doing not much else besides cuddling and watching TV or DVDs: Fawlty Towers (The Corpse and the Kipper, Pyschiatrist) Buffy (Witches, Teacher's Pet), Ghost Busters, Star Trek: First Contact and a lot of crappy TV.

The Highlights:

I saw Laura's radio persona on the highway with the vanity tags: MC Hokey.

Nature: We saw Horseshoe crabs. I'd never seen any before and we saw two! We also saw migrating Monarch Butterflies and geese*.

A walk on the Boardwalk. We went into an Arcade and I played for the first time on a slot machine. I won 2 tokens. We then played skee-ball, where we won more stuff. We got a little plastic dinosaur and a plastic ring.

Dinner: We cooked our own dinner (twice) and ate at the dinner table like real grown-ups. Go us.

Christian Radio: I listened to massive amounts of this through Northen Virginia right on up to Delaware. Gay Marriage will "directly cause the end of Western Civilization." Apparently. Not that Canada and Vermont have descended into Barbarous Chaos. Have they? It also makes me wonder if Jesus would have let them hammer in that last spike if he was actually aware of the truly hideous music (not to mention the sheer quantity of it) this act had inspired.

The Pope. Has. A. Scooter. Seriously! There's a Pope-Scooter he rides around in. I so need one of those now. Talk about your Holy Rollers! Hahahahaha!

And we did at least one other thing to pass the time.

It was pretty much the perfect weekend getaway, and it was capped off my dinner.

*does a little Grover-from-Sesame-Street, full body wiggle and says "Yaaaaay!"

Current reads: The Basic Eight (Oh. So. Good. ) which I am recommending for the work Book Club. I was supposed to read it this weekend and then give it to Amanda to read for Club selection. Of course, I read about 20 pages and remembered it's my favourite book ever and have to finish it before I hand it off.
Also, Doctor Who: Blood Heat. London as a jungle. Dinosaurs. Twenty years of alien invasion. This is so much better than when I read it 10 years ago.

Current Music: 69 Love Songs, Vol. 1

Reason Laura Llew Rocks: She gave me a copy of The Basic Eight.